My life has been turned upside down since my Dad had his stroke. For the past 3 months I have been going back and forth to a rehab center helping out with my Dad. At the beginning of May my Dad came home from the rehab center. He is not all cured. He still needs lots of help. I have now become a part time care giver for my Dad along with my sisters and Mom. It is exhausting and at times very overwhelming trying to help my parents plus still take care of my own family.
I've gotten a glimpse of maybe a little of how my family and others have viewed me these past 7 years since Janessa died. My Dad came home a very different person from who he was before the stroke.
Sometimes it is hard for me to see him like this in his familiar home environment. I still keep expecting him to act the same and be the same Dad that he was before. Sometimes I get frustrated when I see how different and changed he is. I've looked at my own life and how I changed when I came home from the hospital after Janessa had died. It was the same house and same environment, but, I was not the same person. My kids and family and friends all expected me to be the same and at times got very frustrated with me that I reacted differently and was not the same Mom, wife, sister, friend, Shauna that they were use to.
Some of them are still waiting for me to "get cured", others gave up and abandoned me, and others, finally accepted that the "old" Shauna was gone and have started to adjust and accept the new Shauna. For me it was frustrating that they expected me to be the same and couldn't just accept the new me. As I look at my Dad I can now look at this from a new perspective. I grieve for the old Dad that he was--I miss him--I want him back!!! Sometimes I throw temper tantrums hoping that he will magically be all cured and be the same, but, in the end it is pointless. I have to accept that he is a new person. There are new things I can learn from him too, just like this new perspective I have and maybe I can have a little more patience with others who still grieve for the old Shauna that I was as I wait for them to accept me for who I am now.
