Where is Spring?

Surprise--even though it is the end of April and it is suppose to be spring we woke up to snow again!  Oh well, it matches my mood the past couple of days because I haven't felt very "springy". 

One of my reasons for my "winter" mood is I made a handprint wall quilt with my kids and I got all emotional as I was tracing everyones real hands and then I got out the paper copy of the handprints the hospital made of Janessa's hands--I'm grateful I have the copies, but, I wished I was tracing her real hands instead.  It just was a reminder of sitting in the hospital room holding her little still hands wishing she were grasping mine.  That's been one of the hardest things to see is babies reaching up and holding onto their parents hands because I didn't get that.

Another reason for my "winter" mood is  I watched a rerun of an old show called CHIPS.  I was doing okay until I realized from little hints they had given about this lady who had kidnapped this little girl was that she was grieving because her 7 year old daughter had died.  I felt instant empathy for this tv character.  I was angry when "Ponch" my use to be hero from childhood approaches this lady and his words of comfort are "you're young you can have more children!"  I'm like I can't believe he just said that!  She can NEVER replace that daughter that she lost you moron!  Yes, I know it is just a TV show but sometimes it represents how I feel others have treated me since I lost Janessa--"Get Over It--Move On--Be Grateful you have 6 other living kids"  So much for childhood heroes--real life has a way of taking even the simpilest of pleasures away from you.

 

I didn't realize as I was taking pictures of more snowhearts I made that amongst these snowhearts there was my peach tree with pretty pink blossoms that I hadn't noticed before today.  It gave me a chance amidst all the gloomy snow to reflect on and enjoy some spring.  So, I guess as I'm surrounded by my grumpy, sad feelings I need to look out for my little bits of "spring"  like emails and cards from people just letting me know they are thinking of me, car repairs that end up being cheaper than I thought, dentist appointments with no cavities, and one last Reeses Peanut Butter Cup from Easter!

Hugs,

:)  Shauna  (:

Janessa's Mommy

This week I have received 2 pictures of Janessa's name one written in blocks by Blocks of Love and the other Janessa's name written in the sand by Lisa's Hawaiian Names.  I have also received in the mail a beautiful name tag with Janessa's name from One Perfect Rose and a magnet Butterfly with a beautiful poem attached to it from Memory Butterflies.  I never realized how much it meant to me to see Janessa's name written by other people until this week.

These are such wonderful gifts of love to me.  I really needed them this week because Easter was a lot harder to get through than I thought it would be.  One of the things that has really touched my heart and made me smile was seeing the envelope from Raquel of Memory Butterflies because she addressed it "Janessa's Mommy".  That title means so much to me, but, it is a title that not a lot of people even acknowledge I have.

Thank you to everyone who has written Janessa's name in some way!  I have made a wall in my room, that has caused me a lot of pain to look at because it was where Janessa's bassinett was going to be, my Janessa Name Wall and I have hung up those items.  It brings me great joy and peace to look at that wall now.

Hugs,

:)  Shauna  (:
JANESSA'S MOMMY! :)

HAPPY EASTER

 Happy Easter to all the Angel Babies and their Mommies and Daddies! 

Dear sweet, precious Angel Babies we miss you all so much and wish we could see you and hold you in our arms today.  Please watch over us from Heaven. 

I am so very grateful this year for Easter (The day Jesus rose from the dead) and for the HOPE it brings me that I will see my precious Angel Janessa again.  I am grateful for the PEACE I have from my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ in the great sacrifice that Jesus made for each of us.  I know that Jesus understands completely the pain we are going through as we miss our Angel Babies and that if we turn to Him He can comfort us in a way that no one else can.  I am grateful for the JOY I feel each time I create a pinwheel and place it in Janessa's PinWheel Garden.

Yes, I am grateful for the HOPE, PEACE, and JOY I feel today because of Easter and knowing I have a sweet Angel Baby watching over me.

This is a link to a video put together to the song "Every Single Tear"  I love this song and it has helped me find some peace on my grief journey   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=my3ell_ooXA

Hugs,

:) Shauna (:

Sun & Blue Skys

Yesterday I had to run out and grab all the pinwheels and take them inside because the wind was gusting so hard I was afraid it would ruin them.  Today when I went to put them back I looked up and there was sun and blue skys--something we haven't seen in over a week--it was so beautiful!  I had to grab a picture of  all the pinwheels against the blue sky so I put them in the grass, took a couple of pictures, and then put them back together in Janessa's PinWheel  garden. 

My 5 year old asked me why I have so many pinwheels and I told her these all represent Janessa's Angel Friends in heaven.  She was content with that answer.  She has amazed me because from the beginning when we told her that Janessa wasn't coming home with us that she went to live with Heavenly Father as an Angel instead she has instantly accepted that and she talks about her angel sister Janessa as if everyone has an angel sibling.  My whole family is healing seeing all these pinwheels so PinWheels = Peace at our house!

Elias's PinWheel

Liam's PinWheel

Kael's PinWheel

Carli's PinWheel

Meredith's PinWheel

Kaden's PinWheel

Aiden's PinWheel

Laken's PinWheel

The Adventures of Angel Bear and the Littlest PinWheel Part 1

Last year I had a really hard time celebrating holidays or going on vacation because I felt so sad that Janessa wasn't with us.  I also felt guilty for feeling any joy or happiness and I felt horrible when we went on vacation that I was leaving her behind.  Because of those feelings we didn't do very much for the holidays or go on very many vacations.  This year I feel like Janessa wants us to be happy and that she is watching over us from Heaven.  I still feel sad though that she isn't here with us and I wanted to find a way that included her in our activities.  I decided to have my angel bear and this little pinwheel I had come with us on our activities.  So I'm starting the adventures of Angel Bear and the Littlest PinWheel that I will post periodically about as we have family activities.  This has really been a fun way to still include Janessa and remember her and helped me to not feel so sad and guilty.

So, this past week Angel Bear and the Littlest PinWheel helped us find Easter Eggs on our Easter Egg Hunt and they helped us dye boiled eggs. 

Hugs, :)Shauna(:

We may run, walk, stumble, drive, or fly, but let us never

lose sight of the reason for the journey, or miss a chance to

see a rainbow on the way.
  – Gloria Gaither

Zachary's PinWheel

Claire's PinWheel

Jeremiah's PinWheel

Jeremiah's Mommy creates beautiful Memory Butterflys in honor of Angel Babies. This is the link to her blog http://lifeafterjeremiah.blogspot.com/p/memory-butterflies.html

Ailynn Chevy's PinWheel

Autumn Elise's PinWheel

Twin Angel Brother PinWheels

Bryston & Colton's PinWheels

Colton's PinWheel



Bryston's PinWheel

Sebastion's PinWheel

Genesis's PinWheel

Genesis's Mommy has a blog named Names on the Sidewalk where she writes your angel babys name in a beautiful chalk picture.  This is the link to her site Names on the Sidewalk

Ethan's PinWheel

Raegan & Rileys PinWheel

Angel Sister & Brother In Heaven Together