The unpredictability of grief is scary, to say the least. We can
be in the middle of a conversation, a movie, reading a book, sitting in church,
walking through the grocery store -- you name it -- and a certain word, song,
smell, or other reminder appears, and we have a total melt down. We try so hard
to "control" the emotional waves from child loss, but how do you put
a lid on love? It can't be done! And, so we find our tears running like a river
at the most unexpected, most unusual times -- just another reminder that our
child is always and forever on our heart and mind. Others don't get it, but we
sure do understand! There is no stronger bond of love than that of a parent for
his/her child!
There are times when our grief overtakes us. We are okay for a
while but then sitting among people just watching their "normalcy"
seems to rip at our hearts. We long for simple things like heading a baby cry,
watching our child play soccer , going to a school play, hearing about our
grandchildren. When our child dies the "normal " in everything that
was once our life is suddenly stripped away and it hurts worse than words could
ever tell!
When does the pain of losing a child end? That's the one
question parents of child loss desperately want answered. The answer in all
truthfulness is never. The raw, tormenting pain grows more gentle over time but
the gnawing emptiness is always present. How can it be any different when a
huge part of our heart is no longer with us? And this is exactly why support
and encouragement are so necessary for everyone who personally knows the pain
of child loss!!!!
It seems to be an almost unwritten understanding that parents of
child loss learn early on about wearing "the mask." We wear it to
work so our boss doesn't think we're not coping and unable to do our job. We
wear the mask around our family members so they can tolerate us. We wear the
mask to church so we don't get labeled as "lacking faith". We wear
our mask so others don't think we're crazy. If only people knew how much
additional pain it is trying to cover up the heartbreaking pain of child
loss!!!
What's
the hardest part about losing a child? Finally coming to the acceptance that
this is real and has happened. There is no turning back. We cannot ever change
the fact that child loss occurred. For a long time we live in a fog unable to
digest the reality of our loss and when the fog finally lifts, the searing pain
hits all over again. Many people say while we're in the fog, "Wow! You're
really handling this! You're such a strong person" when in reality our
loss hasn't even fully been comprehended by us yet. Facing the reality of
losing our child is devastating and breaks our heart into a million and one
different pieces!
Sometimes people get angry or frustrated with grieving parents
for not moving ahead in life faster. They will sometimes throw up their hands
and walk away as if to say, "Enough is enough. You're going to have to get
over this!" Still others will say what was told to me just the other day,
"You need to go to church! Something's wrong with you!" Hmmm...I do
go to church, and I do have faith in God, and I do trust that God knows what He's
doing just as many of you do, BUT.....life still hurts. Trust, faith, moving on
fast ---- these things have nothing to do with the pain we feel deep within our
hearts. Every person grieves the loss of their child differently, and works
through the pain at a different pace. And, something others need to remember is
a parent never "gets over it." We work hard to find a way to live
with it. And, living with child loss is the most difficult thing a person will
ever have to do! Blessings to each one grieving the loss of a child! May you be
granted an extra measure of peace as you travel this difficult journey of loss!
All of these thoughts are from Silent Grief.Com
