Remembering
Jesse Lewis
on his Angel Birthday
(Sandy Hook Angel)
Janessa's PinWheels
Janessa's 10th Angel Birthday
Hope's 7th Angel Ticker
Jason's 6th Angel B-day Ticker
Rae Anne 6th b-day Ticker
Our Anniversary
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Saturday, June 29, 2013
A little bit of this and a little bit of that
Can't believe the month of June has already sped by and we are approaching July. I'm still busily trying to plan my homeschool for the next school year, I've been fighting vehicles that keep stranding me, I've been melting in this horrible heat wave we've been having, and I've been really upset and sad finding out that 2 of my only friends are moving out of this neighborhood.
I was given a solar Happy Flower from one of my good friends last year and I loved it so much that I bought some more to put in my window. They have brought me so much joy watching them move and dance in the sunlight. And I absolutely loved that even when we had very overcast skys where you couldn't see the sun, they still found any speck of light and continued to move and dance. A couple of weeks ago I was devastated when I had my window open and a strong gust of wind blew my blinds out and knocked all of the happy flowers to the floor breaking almost every single one of them. I was able to super glue and duct tape a few of them back together but, most of them were not repairable. I found some more happy flowers on amazon and to my delight they had a pink one with butterflies and a yellow one with ladybugs--perfect to represent Janessa and Hope. I put them in a different window so they won't be knocked over again and now they peer out at the angel tree.
I've been busy trying to figure out what I wanted to do for Janessa and Hope's prayer flags this year for The Day of Hope on Aug. 19th. Last year I didn't find out about it until a couple of weeks before so I hurriedly sewed some flags together out of felt at the last minute. They turned out beautiful and I love them, but, this year I just don't feel like sewing anything.
We are not sending them to Australia this year like we did last year, but, everyone who participates will just hang them in their own special place and take a picture of them and post on facebook instead. I like this idea better because then I get to keep my prayer flags. When I found out about it last Sunday I was determined to make 4 flags. Now, I just want to make 3, 1 for Janessa, 1 for Hope, and 1 for all the angel babies I have done pinwheels for--(though with 171 names this one will probably turn into 2 or 3 flags by the time I'm done!!) I went to the store yesterday to get some ideas. I think I will use a heavy card stock paper and foam paper this year because there are things I want to write on the flags and it is too hard to write on fabric and I'm not very good at sewing. Of course when I stopped by a fabric store later I found the most perfect material. It had butterflies and ladybugs and hearts and it was in my wedding colors of pink and turquoise--maybe I will make 4 flags after all 1 a combined flag for both Janessa and Hope.
While I was at the store I found this beautiful candle holder that was on clearance. I fell instantly in love with it!!! It has 2 butterflies to represent Janessa and Hope and then 5 hanging crystals that I love because they make rainbows---wish there had been 6 on it because then that would have represented all my living children--oh well I'll just count the candle holder on top. Now I can light a candle whenever I am missing my angel babies and I can light a candle for all the angel babies on the angel baby birthday list when it is their angel birthday.
I was given a solar Happy Flower from one of my good friends last year and I loved it so much that I bought some more to put in my window. They have brought me so much joy watching them move and dance in the sunlight. And I absolutely loved that even when we had very overcast skys where you couldn't see the sun, they still found any speck of light and continued to move and dance. A couple of weeks ago I was devastated when I had my window open and a strong gust of wind blew my blinds out and knocked all of the happy flowers to the floor breaking almost every single one of them. I was able to super glue and duct tape a few of them back together but, most of them were not repairable. I found some more happy flowers on amazon and to my delight they had a pink one with butterflies and a yellow one with ladybugs--perfect to represent Janessa and Hope. I put them in a different window so they won't be knocked over again and now they peer out at the angel tree.
I've been busy trying to figure out what I wanted to do for Janessa and Hope's prayer flags this year for The Day of Hope on Aug. 19th. Last year I didn't find out about it until a couple of weeks before so I hurriedly sewed some flags together out of felt at the last minute. They turned out beautiful and I love them, but, this year I just don't feel like sewing anything.
While I was at the store I found this beautiful candle holder that was on clearance. I fell instantly in love with it!!! It has 2 butterflies to represent Janessa and Hope and then 5 hanging crystals that I love because they make rainbows---wish there had been 6 on it because then that would have represented all my living children--oh well I'll just count the candle holder on top. Now I can light a candle whenever I am missing my angel babies and I can light a candle for all the angel babies on the angel baby birthday list when it is their angel birthday.
Friday, June 28, 2013
Monday, June 24, 2013
Saturday, June 22, 2013
My First Daisy!!!!
I have been trying for 12 years to grow Shasta Daisy's at this house. At my old house that we lived in for 7 years they grew like weeds in my front flower bed--I loved seeing them. I've missed them since we moved in 2001. I've tried everything and everywhere in my yard to grow them with no luck. Then finally this year I noticed that I have 1 Shasta Daisy growing between Hope and Janessa's little lilac bushes and right next to their memorial stones. This makes me so happy!!! Especially because I noticed there is a whole bunch of Shasta Daisys right next to this one that haven't opened up yet and they are right next to Janessa and Hopes memorial stones--what a beautiful place for one of my favorite flowers to finally start growing. It was a definite hug from heaven when I noticed this daisy because I was really sad and depressed and stressed out when I happened to glance out my window and see this beautiful flower.
Friday, June 21, 2013
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Happy 21st Anniversary!
Happy 21st Anniversary
this month
to my wonderful Husband!!!
<3 <3 <3
So glad I married you and for the adventures we have been through together, some good and happy others not so good and sad.
I LOVE You to Infinity and Beyond!!!
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Friday, June 14, 2013
PinWheel Miracle
We've had a really strong wind the past couple of days with really strong wind gusts. I've been fearful for the pinwheels and hoping for the best. Well, when I went out to check this morning I discovered that that rotten wind had broken 4 pinwheels. I brought them in to replace them. 3 of them I could still read the names that I had written on the pinwheel stick because the actual pinwheel part is no where to be found. The fourth one was really faded and all I could make out was an E with 3 other smeared letters. So I took out my angel baby pinwheel list and wrote down all the babies names that started with an E. Then I went outside to see if I could find them. I was a little bit surprised and sad when I found all the E names--now I didn't know which angel baby this pinwheel belonged to. Amazingly when I came back in and looked at the pinwheel again I instantly read it--Gage. What a miracle to be able to read a name that before was too smeared--Gage must really want to be remembered and have his pinwheel recognized.
Remembering you today Gage--thanks for the help <3
The Whole Truth
Spent another part of the day this week sitting in a doctors office with another sick kid. I got asked the usual questions by the nurse and the "hard" question how many kids do you have? I told the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth--8. Then she asks how old is the youngest--again I just spit out the truth--my youngest 2 children are in Heaven, but, my youngest living child is 7.
Instead of an awkward silence and change of subject like I normally get after laying all that on someone, this nurse expressed sincere sympathy and asked more questions. It was so nice to be able to talk about Janessa and Hope as real people and have someone acknowledge them as real people. It was nice to just tell the whole truth and not feel bad or guilty about it--to just feel okay with this is how my life is now. :`)
Remember Sandy Hook Elementary Angels--6 Months Later--June 14
Sandy Hook Elementary Angels
We will never forget
<3 <3 <3
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Being There and Understanding
I think that most of us who are on this grief journey really just want someone to understand and be there for us. We don't want you to "Fix It"--how can you? We don't want you to judge us or tell us to get over it--we never will. We just want you to be there and try to understand so we know we are not alone.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Monday, June 10, 2013
Athena Rayne's PinWheel
Beautiful Athena Rayne just went to Heaven 1 week ago on June 3rd, 2013
<3 <3 <3
Sunday, June 9, 2013
Flowers from Heaven
I have thoroughly enjoyed my flowers outside this year. They are bringing me a peace and joy that I haven't been able to enjoy the past 3 years.
I Loved my spring tulips and daffodils
I Love my Poppies!
I Love my Mini Roses and Big Roses!
Today, June 9th, also marks 9 months to Janessa's 4th Angel Birthday--a (simple--ha, ha) pregnancy away. This is the month she was created in, the month her life began in 4 years ago--the short 9 months that she lived her whole life and then the count down to her death. I wish I could have a redo of those very short 9 months. Love you <3<3<3<3JANESSA<3<3<3<3 <3
Saturday, June 8, 2013
My Lilies are in Bloom
I really love lilies!! My wedding bouquet had pink and blue lilies, the bouquet of flowers on Janessa's coffin had a pink lily in the center. I planted lilies in the pinwheel garden after Janessa died and I always look forward to seeing them bloom--and I absolutely love that I have both pink and yellow lilies for Janessa and Hope. My first lily outside opened this week.
We bought these indoor astro lilies after Janessa died. I have been so happy that the one pot in my kitchen window has bloomed tiny lilies all year long for the past 3 years. The other pot has been moved all over our house and has never produced any type of flower. I finally brought it upstairs about a month ago and fit it next to the other pot of lilies and now it has bloomed its first lily flowers!! I love having living flowers inside my house that bloom and bring me joy all year long--especially during the long hard winter months.
Remembering Catherine Hubbard--June 8
Remembering
Catherine Hubbard
on her Angel Birthday
(Sandy Hook Elementary Angel)
Thursday, June 6, 2013
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Sunday, June 2, 2013
Mother's Day Name Event
I have received the most beautiful pictures this past month of Janessa & Hope Abigail's names. I have cried each time I received one--they each mean so much to me. I can tell the time and love that was put into each one and that truly touches my heart. Thank you so much to everyone who wrote their names. Thank you so much to Catherine (Gabriel's Mommy) for organizing this wonderful event. I have met a lot of new friends--I am so sorry for the grief journey that each one of you is on too.
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