Decorating Janessa's Grave for Easter

 We went up and decorated Janessa's grave for Easter today instead of next week.  I really wanted to go on Easter but, I didn't think I could handle being their on the exact day of her due date and because it is also General Conference and I didn't want to be rushed.  I was surprised that they had not cleaned up her grave from her birthday so we just kept some of things and incorporated them into Easter.

I was also able to decorate my remembrance stones for the first time in 3 years which was really healing.

Rae Anne's 7th Birthday

 I always feel so awkward when it comes to my miscarried babies angel b-days--I don't know how to feel, or act, or what to do, because no one really knew them except for me.  When I make some sort of remembrance thing am I causing emotional stress on my living children making them remember a sibling that never existed to them except in passing?  Should I just remember them by myself????  I don't know anymore.  I found myself feeling stressed about everything today.  I did do a little remembrance for Rae Anne on the kitchen table.  We ate on Owl plates and the meal had an orange theme going on, but, we didn't do anything formal or watch a movie or anything like I do on Janessa's angel b-day.  It just makes me feel so confused.  Am I dishonoring Rae Anne??  Am I mentally messing up my living kids???  I don't know what the right answer is anymore.  Normally I am able to express my grief on my fb page but that has been stolen from me so I remain silent except for this blog that I don't know if anyone reads this page anymore either.  I've just felt very alone remembering Rae Anne this year. 

Happy 10th Anniversary PinWheels From Heaven

Happy 10th Anniversary PinWheels from Heaven!

I can't believe it has been 10 years since I first started this group.

It all began because of a blog called Names on the Sidewalk where another Mommy of an Angel was writing names of angel babies in memory of her angel baby Genesis. It was such an incredible feeling to receive a digital picture from someone else who had written Janessa's name and acknowledged her existence. I wanted others to feel that too. Hence Pinwheels from Heaven was created.

It started out as a blog which is still around, but, I'm not as active in writing blog post as often any more. The first 2 years I created pinwheel pictures for each angel baby and wrote their name on a pinwheel which I put out into Janessa's Pinwheel Garden. That was very healing for me as I grieved the loss of not only Janessa, but, my first miscarried baby, Hope Abigail. I think I did over 150 pinwheel pictures. In late 2013 I suffered another miscarriage at 12 weeks into my pregnancy of my angel baby Jason and fell into a deep depression, so I had to put a temporary halt to doing the pinwheel pictures. In early 2014, I suffered my last miscarriage of my angel baby Rae Anne, and my temporary halt became a permanent stop to pinwheel pictures. I just couldn't create them anymore, I just didn't have it in me any more. Thus, Pinwheels From Heaven shifted gears into being more of a remembrance blog and facebook page where I digitally created pictures to remember angel babies on their angel birthdays and then did annual events like my Easter Angel Tree, Valentine Angel Tree, Wave of Light, and Christmas Angel Tree. Even those events have changed in the years. What hasn't changed, is that I wanted a place where Angel Babies were remembered and not forgotten because I know there are a lot of other women like me that sometimes this Angel Birthday post is the only acknowledgement that is ever made of their angel baby. I am grateful for the chance to remember with each of you these past 10 years all of these sweet babies taken too soon.

I'm not sure what the future holds for PinWheels From Heaven, but, I will try to be a voice of remembrance and love for angel babies everywhere, for as long as I am able.

Happy 7th Angel Birthday my Lil Rae

 Happy 7th Angel Birthday

<3 Rae Anne <3

LOVED <3 MISSED <3 CHERISHED

You are "OWL"ways in our Hearts!