I hate getting to this point in the year where the 30 day count down to Janessa's angel b-day starts. This should be easy after 9 years, but, it is still really hard. I'm also really upset finding out that some of the plans I wanted to do for her b-day are going to have to be canceled and changed all due to changes that are happening at our house. It doesn't matter to anyone else, in fact, Janessa probably could care less about these silly activities, but, I guess it really, really, matters to me because I have only so many ways that I can remember her and to have some of them ripped away from me hurts.
Tomorrow is my Dad's birthday. We had all these plans as to how we were going to remember him. Technically it is his 2nd birthday in Heaven because last year was his first birthday in Heaven, but, it hurts more this year because last year we were all still in shock. We had just barely buried him a week earlier. We were all trying to get use to the changes of not being busy helping him all the time. Now the reality of it all has set in. So to have our plans be drastically changed because of the stupid weather really makes me angry. No decorating his grave--there is so much snow we would never find it and have to dig and dig and dig in order to even get at it. No helium balloon release in mom's backyard--it is too cold and her back yard is filled with about 2 feet of snow!! So instead I just made a makeshift memorial in my house using a memorial stone I had made to put in my own remembrance garden. I know its no big deal to you Dad and that you are happy with any way we remember you, but, it still makes me feel bad.
Happy Birthday in Heaven Dad!
We Love You!
We Remember You!
We Miss You!
