A Birthday Sunrise

I got up early this morning to watch the sunrise.  I had plans to sit out on the grass and watch the beautiful painting of the sky bring warmth and peace into my empty and depressed heart.  Unfortunately, it rained all night last night making the grass very wet, muddy, and cold.  It also was very, very, CLOUDY making the dream of a  colorful and beautiful sunrise unrealistic.  What I got was standing out on the porch shivering while I took a quick picture of a small little sliver of color in between the clouds--very disappointing like the sunrise on Rae Anne's angel birthday.

Lucky for me, I have been taking pictures of the sunrises since Monday so today's sunrise made me grateful for the beautiful sunrises that I got on Monday and Tuesday of this week.  And, the longer I watched this what I thought was an epic fail of a sunrise I began to see small spots of color working hard to escape the dark clouds until finally the sun emerged enough to to send its rays through my window, through the crystal I have hanging there and make a beautiful rainbow on my wall for Hope's 4th Angel Birthday.

This sunrise represents my life right now.  I feel trapped underneath heavy, dark clouds of depression because of health problems, family problems, inability to move forward into a different stage in my life, and of course the grief that is always with me.  Some days I just sit and let the clouds smother most of the light inside of me so that only a sliver shines through, but, other days I fight hard to let my rays of light escape through patches in the dark clouds.  Today's sunrise wasn't what  I had hoped for, but, it was beautiful nonetheless.  It brought me hope that although my life seems very dark and cloudy and depressing right now, that there is still joy and happiness and peace and calm behind all those dark clouds and some day the sun will fully emerge and it will all be okay, but, for now I need to just hang on to those slivers and patches of light that slip through those dark clouds.

The 4 Sunrises to Hope Abigail's 4th Angel Birthday

Monday, May 4th, 2015

Tuesday, May 5th, 2015

Wednesday, May 6th, 2015

Today--Hope's 4th Angel Birthday

Thursday, May 7th, 2015

Heart Clouds in the Sky

Another Giant Heart Cloud in the Sky

 Finally, the Sun begins to escape the dark, dreary clouds!

 The sunlight comes through my window, through my prisim crystal and makes a birthday rainbow on my wall for 

Hope Abigail!

Hope Abigail's 4th Angel Birthday

It is May 7th again--how did it come again so fast?  I feel like I've been in a whirlwind of angel birthday remembrances for the past couple of months.  When I go to plan your angel birthday Hope it is a lot easier than everyone elses because we've fallen into some lovely traditions that fit just you.  We always make our annual hike up Ensign Peak usually just a couple of weeks before your b-day, except for this year we hiked it almost a month early because we went to the beautiful Payson Temple Open House on the day that we normally hike it.  We took pictures of your yellow angel bear and blew you love bubbles.  Today we will make you beautiful b-day card chalk drawings and plant our annual spring petunias that will bloom all summer and fall as a beautiful reminder of the hope and joy and peace you bring into our lives.  Because of the yellow box of party fun that your angel friend Meredith's Mommy, Sarita, sent last year that was so fun we have decided to make that part of your annual angel b-day remembrance activities too.  So tonight there will be yellow plates and utensils and yellow decorations as a way to remember you with joy and happiness and sadness.  We miss you and wish you were here.  We look forward to when we get to see you again.

Happy 4th Angel Birthday

Hope Abigail!

<3 <3 <3 <3

You are Always in our Hearts!

We Love You!