It has been so crazy busy being a part-time care giver for my Dad and then trying to make changes to my Dad's house that we barely were able to sneak in time right before sunset the night before Easter to go decorate Janessa's grave. It was hard for me to kind of just rush in and rush out.
Easter was not a great holiday for me this year. I have been so overwhelmed and stressed out that sitting through Easter music and talks at church and then seeing all the families with all their little kids dressed in new matching Easter outfits was really triggering and upsetting for me. Having people ask me how I am and me knowing that they really didn't care and they would not want to hear the truth because it would overwhelm them or make them think what a bad Christian I am because I'm stressed out and struggling instead of being all brave and strong and happy and having to lie and fake smile while saying I'm fine was more than I could take. It was all so dang fake--nobody really cares. I wanted to throw up after having to answer like that more than 5 times. I just wanted to scream "My Life Sucks!!!"
I came home and cried and cried and cried. I missed Janessa. Instead of Easter being a comfort it was just a big reminder that she was gone and it was still a long, long, time before I would ever get to see her again. I also felt like such a failure at everything in my life especially as a mother.
So, no, Easter wasn't very good this year.
EASTER MORNING SUNRISE
