It's amazing how a vacation away from all the stress can help you catch your breath and breathe for a second. I was a little leery when we first arrived at the vacation house about feeling triggered, but, instead of feeling triggered I felt welcomed and like I had come home for a little escape to a magical house full of peace and calm. A few things had changed at the house but for the most part it was the same. The kids all excitedly picked a room most of them going for the same room they had stayed in 7 years ago. I smiled as I walked around and saw all the familiar sayings that had brought me peace last time and was happy to see that they had added more sayings and wall hangings.
I got a little worried when we pulled up and they were making repairs to the swamp cooler. That was the last thing I needed to see because it was going to be 99 degrees all week and I did not want to sit in a hot house sweating to death. I needn't have worried that swamp cooler along with a second swamp cooler they had added in the front room kept that house so cold that we actually were finding blankets to wrap up in!!! It worked better than my central air at home!!! I was excited to find my entry from 2010 that I had written in the guest book. That was like being able to see the past. I remembered how hard that vacation was 7 years ago as I was deep into grief over loosing Janessa and had no idea what was in store for me. I didn't blog, or facebook, or use the internet very much, I didn't know about Share and I had never met another woman who had had a stillborn baby. I felt very much like a freak and so very alone back then. 7 years ago I kind of just sat around at that house staring at the walls not really doing anything.
I did find it interesting that 7 years ago I went to this home trying to escape my grief for Janessa, and this time I went to this house trying to escape the grief and stress of my Dad stroke which has essentially stolen my Dad from me. It was so nice to just put all of that aside and not think about it for a while. I struggled the first day there trying to get into "vacation mode" so I just vegged out in front of the tv and watched some of my favorite fixer upper shows--that actually helped me to calm down and relax. I really struggled at night being able to sleep the whole week because I think at night my brain began to think again about all the problems and wouldn't shut off.
But, for the most part it was an awesome vacation and nice break from the day to day stress. We went and visited Cedar Breaks National Park and it was beautiful. It is 10,000 feet up so it was a great escape to go from the 99 degrees we were at to 70 degrees. It was their wild flower festival while we were up there and that was amazing to see all the beautiful flowers.
There is just something magical at that house to just be away from the normal day to day and just do fun activities like swimming, hiking, playing pool and air hockey, roasting marshmallows and watching movies together until midnight. I love all the encouraging sayings that are all over the walls.
My kids were really good sports and wore matching tee shirts for a family picture and then we recreated pictures we have taken in the past and that was a lot of fun too. Roland and I discovered Cedar Breaks National Park on accident 25 years ago when we took a wrong road on our honeymoon. It has been fun through the years to take pictures with our growing family by the same sign.
I am so grateful we got a chance to escape for a little bit, it is really hard to come back home.
