Happy Angel Birthday
to All Angel Children celebrating
birthdays in the month of
October!
YOU ARE LOVED!
YOU ARE MISSED!
YOU ARE REMEMBERED!
Janessa's PinWheels
Janessa's 10th Angel Birthday
Hope's 7th Angel Ticker
Jason's 6th Angel B-day Ticker
Rae Anne 6th b-day Ticker
Our Anniversary
Saturday, October 1, 2022
Thursday, September 1, 2022
September Angel Birthdays
Happy Angel Birthday
to All Angel Children celebrating
birthdays in the month of
September!
YOU ARE LOVED!
YOU ARE MISSED!
YOU ARE REMEMBERED!
Monday, August 22, 2022
Rainbowless in a Rainbow World
Today in the baby loss world it is Rainbow Baby day. This day is like a knife stab to my already broken heart.
My rainbow babies are dead.
My rainbow hopes and dreams are dead.
All I wanted after Janessa died was to give birth to one more alive baby that I got to hear cry after delivery. That opportunity has been stolen from me.
Three tries for a rainbow baby all ending in death and then infertility.
There are NO words to accurately describe giving birth to death.
It is just empty, and cold, and sad, and lonely. There are no groups or celebrations for being rainbowless -- just Nothing :`(
Monday, August 1, 2022
August Angel Birthdays
Happy Angel Birthday
to All Angel Children celebrating
birthdays in the month of
August!
YOU ARE LOVED!
YOU ARE MISSED!
YOU ARE REMEMBERED!
Friday, July 1, 2022
July Angel Birthdays
Happy Angel Birthday
to All Angel Children celebrating
birthdays in the month of
July!
YOU ARE LOVED!
YOU ARE MISSED!
YOU ARE REMEMBERED!
Wednesday, June 1, 2022
June Angel Birthdays
Happy Angel Birthday
to All Angel Children celebrating
birthdays in the month of
June!
YOU ARE LOVED!
YOU ARE MISSED!
YOU ARE REMEMBERED!
Saturday, May 7, 2022
Hope's 11th Angel Birthday
Happy 11th Angel Birthday
to my precious
<3 Hope Abigail <3
I'm having a hard time with your angel b-day this year because it is on the same day of the week and right before mothers day like it was 11 years ago when I miscarried you. Not quite sure how to handle all the different emotions that I feel this weekend. Wishing you were here.
You are Always In My Heart <3
Sunday, May 1, 2022
May Angel Birthdays
Happy Angel Birthday
to All Angel Children celebrating
birthdays in the month of
May!
YOU ARE LOVED!
YOU ARE MISSED!
YOU ARE REMEMBERED!
Monday, April 18, 2022
Easter Morning with Janessa
Spent Easter morning with Janessa. It was actually really nice to decorate her grave before sunrise and then watch the sun rise and light up her headstone. Now if it had just been a tad bit warmer and not so many thick clouds and maybe I was hoping that it would be the second coming this morning and I would get to bring Janessa home, then maybe it would have been perfect, but, oh well. There was some color in the sunrise, we had to wait a little bit longer for the sun to rise above the clouds, and it was nice to just spend a little bit of time reading about the resurrection with Janessa and find a little bit of Hope and Peace this Easter Morning. Some of the clouds formed into an S and a J--my initials and Janessa's initials backwards--maybe a little "Hi, from Heaven!"
Sunday, April 17, 2022
Happy Easter in Heaven
Happy Easter in Heaven!
We Love You!
We Miss You!
We can't wait until we get to see you
and hold you again
<3 <3 <3 <3
Monday, April 4, 2022
Another 4-04--Another Empty EDD
I missed the sunrise on Janessa's Angel B-day almost a month ago but today on her due date I made up for that being able to watch the most beautiful and perfect sunrise! It had beautiful colors in the beginning and then I got to watch the amazing sun peak it's head over the mountain top. I don't take the time very often anymore to watch the miraculous daily sunrise so it was nice to just enjoy that moment this morning. It was also really neat to see that the first sun rays on the Easter Angel Display was highlighting the words I have written on a poster from The Living Christ "He is the light, the life, and the hope of the world. His way is the path that leads to happiness in this life and eternal life in the world to come."
On this day 12 years and about 4 weeks before I was looking forward to this day 4/04/2010 as the day I would get to meet my 7th child and 6th daughter. I was excited and scared about that moment, but, I couldn't wait to welcome her into the world, hear her beautiful cry and hold her in my arms. Instead, 3 weeks and 5 days before this longed for day my beautiful baby girl was born still--never to cry, never to meet her sisters and brother alive, never to open her eyes to see a sunrise, never to go home with us, but, to go home to Heavenly Father instead.
This day has become a day of emptiness and broken hopes and dreams instead. I am grateful for the beauty of the sunrise this morning to remind me of the promise of Easter Morning that because of Jesus Christ I will see Janessa again! I know her spirit still lives and that she is safe and she is happy. Some day my broken mother heart will heal and JOY truly will cometh in the morning!
Remembering you today Janessa and all the hopes and dreams I had for you. <3 <3 <3 <3 Love, Mommy
Friday, April 1, 2022
April Angel Birthdays
Happy Angel Birthday
to All Angel Children celebrating
birthdays in the month of
April!
YOU ARE LOVED!
YOU ARE MISSED!
YOU ARE REMEMBERED!
Wednesday, March 23, 2022
Rae Anne's 8th Angel Birthday
It is mainly just me now that remembers Rae Anne on her angel b-day. I was really excited to watch the sunrise this morning because for the first time in years it was going to be a nice clear sky day. I went out as the sunrise began and took some pictures, but, then ended up missing the actual sunrise by mere seconds--I was devastated and extremely disappointed. That seemed like a bad omen to me that the rest of the day was going to go rotten too.
To distract myself I went and exercised to the last episode of a series I have been watching called Lost in Space. I had purposely saved the last episode for Rae Anne's b-day. It was awesome and helped bring me out of my bad mood.
I had also saved these bare root sunflower plants to plant outside which was awesome because sunflowers are a symbol that remind me of Rae Anne. I ended up with 5 bare root plants so 1 for each of my angel babies and 1 for the rainbow baby I will never get now.
Then I put up the Easter Angel Eggs. I Love doing that and I'm so glad that it is a tradition for me to put up the Easter Angel Eggs on her angel b-day and the Christmas Angel Hats on her EDD--it gives me something to look forward to on each of those hard dates.
I love decorating a page in my daily gratititude journal for her angel b-day and this year again because of awesome weather, I was able to create a sidewalk chalk b-day picture for her.
I did her b-day theme as Raya and the Last Dragon and we had chinese food eaten with chopsticks and then everyone got a little gift box with 8 fortune cookies in them which has been fun.
Overall the day has gone okay, but, I still wish she were here and that I could have ended my pregnancy years with a live rainbow baby.
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