6 Months

It has been 6 months since my Dad died.  This month has been really tough.  My nephew received his mission call.  My other nephew returned home from his mission.  My niece got married.  And on Sunday it will be my parents anniversary.  These are all things my Dad should be here for.  Instead my Mom attends these events alone and looks a little lost.  I just feel void and empty.  Next week my granddaughter will be blessed--another event my Dad should be here for but is missing.  This is so hard!   Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who remembers the 27th anymore and maybe that is because I was there when he died.  There is just so much confusion inside me.  I know I will see my Dad again.  I know he is still alive in Heaven.  I know he is much happier in Heaven than he was suffering in his body that wasn't working for him.  I just wasn't ready to have my Dad leave my life so soon.  I still need him to be here and it is really hard to have him gone.  I guess I just haven't accepted the reality that he is dead.

I am grateful that Heavenly Father gave us an extra year with my Dad last year to celebrate all the holidays one last time together.  I am grateful my parents had one last time to celebrate their anniversary last July.  I am grateful my parents were married in the temple so death is not the end of their marriage, but, just a temporary goodbye and that someday they will be reunited and still be sealed together.

I hate that people now look at my grief and think get over it already--it's been 6 months--he is dead there is nothing you can do about it--accept it and move on.  That seems so cold, so mean.  Am I crazy???  Is death just suppose to be this meaningless thing you just toss lightly aside and never think about the person again unless you happen to decide to go put flowers on their grave on memorial day???  How do you just forget about a lifetime of memories???  How do you just so casually move on when someone you loved is taken too soon????  Is it because they have never experienced the death of a baby or a parent???  It just leaves me feeling very, very, alone........again.  I hate how people in our day and age treat death and grief--like it is some disease that you quickly extinguish and never speak of again.  I hate that everyone just expects me to just get over it and can never give me the time to grieve and just accept me for who I am.

Grief SUCKS!!!!