So much time has passed since I saw his little heart beating on an ultrasound and had so much hope for this day. Now, this is just another empty day. I feel sad that I don't even have a remembrance garden to decorate--hopefully by your 6th angel b-day I will have my yard back.
In a couple of weeks it is my own b-day and I am turning 48--I have long since put aside those hopes and dreams of having a rainbow baby. It still hurts though to see people posting pictures of their rainbow babies and saying never give up "everyone" will eventually get their rainbow baby. Words spoken from someone who is holding a rainbow baby in their arms and that don't realize that for some of us, we will NEVER get a rainbow baby. 5 years ago there was a chance when I miraculously got pregnant with Jason and really thought he would be my long sought after rainbow, only to have him and 5 months later Rae Anne ripped cruelly from me and never to get pregnant again. I am learning to live without my rainbow baby and with a broken heart and empty arms instead, holding onto hope that in the resurrection, I will be given the chance to hold my babies again, but, for now it is a long, empty road filled with lots of ups and downs, joys and heartbreaks. So NO, over enthusiastic happy rainbow baby holding Mommy, everyone DOES NOT get their rainbow baby in this life, please have some sympathy for those of us left behind from the rainbow bus.
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