Went to decorate Janessa's grave for Christmas today. The wind was bitter cold and made the experience even more miserable. It will never be okay that I decorate her grave for Christmas instead of giving her presents. :`(
I think one of the ways I have found to cope with missing her at the holidays is to come up with themes to decorate her grave for her birthday and for Christmas--that brings me joy. This year it was obviously a Frozen theme. It helps me feel like I still can mother her from earth. It's so hard realizing that next year it will be 10 years that I have been decorating her grave.
This year it is 10 years since Janessa celebrated her one and only Christmas alive with us while inside of me.















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