Dear Janessa,
Today is hard--it is your EDD again except this time it is the original day of the week--Easter Sunday. This was a day I looked forward too for 9 very long months in 2010 but turned out to be a day I dreaded instead. Instead of it being the happy day of your birth we decorated your grave.
Today I don't know how to feel. I watched the beautiful sunrise and felt the warmth of the sun on my face and I felt joy and hope. I am grateful that because of Jesus Christ I will get to see you again and that one day there truly will be Joy that cometh in the morning when all sorrow is taken from the Earth and there truly is no more sting of the grave. I am grateful because of Jesus Christ that He can help me to find Joy in my mourning and help me through each day, but, I'm not quite there yet.
But I also feel pain and loneliness and hopelessness at your loss and that you are not here. It just hurts some days like today that you are gone and the time before I get to see you again feels way too far away. So some days I feel like the dead rose just empty and hopeless and other days I feel like the alive rose full of hope and joy. It is so confusing feeling such opposite emotions.
With all my heart I wish we were celebrating your 11th birthday today and that the past 11 years of grief were just a distant nightmare instead of my reality.
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