As One Journey Ends, Another Begins

Okay, I've had my meltdown and had a chance to work through some of the initial shock, sadness and anger to find some good in this situation with loosing the little girl Sohani that I was sponsoring through World Vision.  I guess I first started sponsoring her after I had my first miscarriage with Hope Abigail in 2011.  Sponsoring Sohani helped me to find some healing from that experience and I guess was a small way to find a little "rainbow baby healing" because I have been unable to have an actual rainbow baby since Janessa died.  I am grateful for that small amount of healing that I have had these past 5 years through my association with Sohani.

Next, as I was evaluating the whole situation, I realized that even though it was a good and healing experience to sponsor her, it also came with some triggering moments and grief as well as sometimes seeing Sohani's pictures and drawings and seeing her grow older was a big reminder to me that my little Janessa was not growing older, was never going to learn to write her name or draw me pictures. So in a way this may be a good time for me to forever remember Sohani in her last picture as a 6 year old little girl like how I view Janessa as a little forever 5/6 year old in Heaven.

Finally, I wrote my goodbye to Sohani on my blog as a way to get that final goodbye, and I would add here that her little life has touched mine for good and I will always be grateful for that. As I was pondering what to do now and in the initial anger I just wanted to not sponsor again and I was ready to cancel my association with World Vision.  Then I saw the graphic on the email they sent which said "As one journey ends, another begins" and that touched my heart and I remembered all the happiness it brought me to sponsor Sohani so I decided to look for another child to sponsor.

This time I decided to look differently and not get a child with Janessa's b-day or around her age to help so I wouldn't have those same triggers.  I found a 12 year old girl in Africa that has been waiting for over 2 years for a sponsor and when I watched her video and saw her little smile it touched my heart and I knew that was the girl I needed to sponsor next. I actually lost the page I had found her on and no matter how hard I tried to search I couldn't find her so when I called World Vision they searched and searched and were finally able to locate the little girl I had found which in itself was a miracle and a good sign to me.  I now welcome Precious into my life and I look forward to getting to know her.  I will still mourn the loss of my relationship with Sohani, but, I will treasure the memories of her and look forward to the memories to be made with Precious.

It truly is a new journey and I look forward to it! :)