10 Days of Hope <3
Janessa's PinWheels
Janessa's 10th Angel Birthday
Hope's 7th Angel Ticker
Jason's 6th Angel B-day Ticker
Rae Anne 6th b-day Ticker
Our Anniversary
Monday, May 6, 2013
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Happy Bereaved Mother's Day--May 5th
Happy Bereaved Mother's Day
To All My Baby Loss Mommy Friends
I have been participating in Catherine's (Gabriel's Mommy) Mother's Day Name Event this month. I wrote 20 different angel baby's names in different ways. It was an incredible, healing, and peaceful experience. Thank you so much Catherine for organizing this.
To the Baby Loss Mommys that I wrote your angels names I am so sorry for your loss--may you know that you are not alone and that I am remembering your angel babies with you today:
Saturday, May 4, 2013
Friday, May 3, 2013
Thursday, May 2, 2013
A Happy Day
This was the last thing I expected to be blogging about today--a happy day? It has been a very peaceful and relaxing day today quite a change from the stress filled days I have endured this week. We just got back from the Tulip Festival at Thanksgiving Point--it was so much fun!!! The flowers were beautiful!! Instead of my angel bears this year I brought 2 small butterfly holders with Janessa and Hopes names written on them so I felt like we were including them too.
We had a blast feeding the fish!! I felt a little bad that Janessa and Hope weren't there, but, I enjoyed watching my other children's excitement feeding the fish. Another family with kids Janessa and Hopes age came up to feed the fish--at first I wanted to run and hide, but, then I thought I can't see what Janessa and Hope would be like so I wanted to see these little kids reactions so I could get that experience through those little kids. I really enjoyed watching them and was so happy that it brought me peace instead of pain.
It wasn't crowded, the temperature was perfect, so it was a nice, calm, and peaceful family activity. Definitely a happy memory to replace all the hard memories on this day. The best part--Ice Cream in a cup as a treat! :)
We had a blast feeding the fish!! I felt a little bad that Janessa and Hope weren't there, but, I enjoyed watching my other children's excitement feeding the fish. Another family with kids Janessa and Hopes age came up to feed the fish--at first I wanted to run and hide, but, then I thought I can't see what Janessa and Hope would be like so I wanted to see these little kids reactions so I could get that experience through those little kids. I really enjoyed watching them and was so happy that it brought me peace instead of pain.
It wasn't crowded, the temperature was perfect, so it was a nice, calm, and peaceful family activity. Definitely a happy memory to replace all the hard memories on this day. The best part--Ice Cream in a cup as a treat! :)
Forgot to mention that today in the mail I got Janessa's Angel Blanket from https://www.facebook.com/babyangelblankets
It turned out so beautiful--I Love it!!
A Hug From Heaven in the Sunrise
This morning I wasn't going to watch the sunrise because it has been really chilly in the mornings the past couple of days and I didn't want to go out in the cold. Then I remembered that it was James Collins angel birthday and I wanted to take pictures of the sunrise for Gale so I headed outside with my camera in hand. It was so beautiful!! I got out there just in time to watch the sun peek its head over the mountain and then burst out in all its glory.
This has been a really hard and emotional week for me as we come closer and closer to Hope's angel birthday. Two years ago today is when I started bleeding and my miscarriage with Hope began. Two years ago today I made an emergency trip up to see my doctor and get an ultrasound only to have a repeat in a different way of Janessa's last ultrasound--NO Heartbeat. Two years ago today my happiness and joy for my rainbow baby pregnancy was stolen from me and replaced with worry and frustration. Two years ago today I was given the verdict of either everything was okay and come back in a week for another ultrasound or here is a jar you'll have a miscarriage put everything in that--"don't worry its just a miscarriage happens all the time" words spoken by the nurse. I could slap her now for acting like my baby was nothing more than a zit or a common cold!! I loss so much more than just my baby. I loss my peace I had found on Janessa's 1st angel birthday, I loss my trust and my faith in God, I loss my courage and self confidence, I loss my last chance at a pregnancy, my last chance to find rainbow healing through a rainbow baby, I loss my Hope figuratively and physically. :`(
It made me cry watching the sunrise this morning. I went out for Gale and to get a "hug from heaven" from James Collins for her but I also got a "hug from heaven" from my sweet little Hope Abigail and I needed that so much to help me through today and all its awful memories.
This has been a really hard and emotional week for me as we come closer and closer to Hope's angel birthday. Two years ago today is when I started bleeding and my miscarriage with Hope began. Two years ago today I made an emergency trip up to see my doctor and get an ultrasound only to have a repeat in a different way of Janessa's last ultrasound--NO Heartbeat. Two years ago today my happiness and joy for my rainbow baby pregnancy was stolen from me and replaced with worry and frustration. Two years ago today I was given the verdict of either everything was okay and come back in a week for another ultrasound or here is a jar you'll have a miscarriage put everything in that--"don't worry its just a miscarriage happens all the time" words spoken by the nurse. I could slap her now for acting like my baby was nothing more than a zit or a common cold!! I loss so much more than just my baby. I loss my peace I had found on Janessa's 1st angel birthday, I loss my trust and my faith in God, I loss my courage and self confidence, I loss my last chance at a pregnancy, my last chance to find rainbow healing through a rainbow baby, I loss my Hope figuratively and physically. :`(
It made me cry watching the sunrise this morning. I went out for Gale and to get a "hug from heaven" from James Collins for her but I also got a "hug from heaven" from my sweet little Hope Abigail and I needed that so much to help me through today and all its awful memories.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
The Most Important Thing
I wish everyone knew how important this is. Most of the time there is nothing any one can do but to show you that they care and that means a lot! ♥
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