A Hug From Heaven in the Sunrise

This morning I wasn't going to watch the sunrise because it has been really chilly in the mornings the past couple of days and I didn't want to go out in the cold.  Then I remembered that it was James Collins angel birthday and I wanted to take pictures of the sunrise for Gale so I headed outside with my camera in hand.  It was so beautiful!!  I got out there just in time to watch the sun peek its head over the mountain and then burst out in all its glory. 

This has been a really hard and emotional week for me as we come closer and closer to Hope's angel birthday.  Two years ago today is when I started bleeding and my miscarriage with Hope began.  Two years ago today I made an emergency trip up to see my doctor and get an ultrasound only to have a repeat in a different way of Janessa's last ultrasound--NO Heartbeat.  Two years ago today my happiness and joy for my rainbow baby pregnancy was stolen from me and replaced with worry and frustration.  Two years ago today I was given the verdict of either everything was okay and come back in a week for another ultrasound or here is a jar you'll have a miscarriage put everything in that--"don't worry its just a miscarriage happens all the time" words spoken by the nurse.  I could slap her now for acting like my baby was nothing more than a zit or a common cold!!  I loss so much more than just my baby.  I loss my peace I had found on Janessa's 1st angel birthday, I loss my trust and my faith in God, I loss my courage and self confidence, I loss my last chance at a pregnancy, my last chance to find rainbow healing through a rainbow baby, I loss my Hope figuratively and physically. :`( 

It made me cry watching the sunrise this morning.  I went out for Gale and to get a "hug from heaven" from James Collins for her but I also got a "hug from heaven" from my sweet little Hope Abigail and I needed that so much to help me through today and all its awful memories.