Janessa & Hope's Prayer Flags--2013

I had so much fun designing and creating Janessa and Hope's prayer flags this year.  At first I had no idea how I was going to create them and just ended up at a craft store buying a little bit of this and a little bit of that.  All I really new was that I wanted the two sayings I had to be in the middle of each flag.  So I started with that and just worked around the sayings until I got it the way I liked.  They both turned out so beautiful!!!  I absolutely LOVE them, and I'm glad that this year we are not sending them to Australia.  I panicked a little after they were done because my original plan was to hang them outside by their memorial stones on the Day of Hope and light candles around them.  All my prayer flags are made out of a heavy card stock paper and not very durable for outside.  So I tried to think about a place I could put them in my house.  I found a place where I had Janessa and Hope's angel drawings made by Beth hanging up.  It is perfect.  I can see them when I come up the stairs from the basement.  I can see them from my kitchen, front room and home school room and there is enough room underneath them that tonight I will scoot a table there and place candles underneath them.

Janessa's Prayer Flag

 

 

Meaning and Symbolism on her prayer flag:

 

Do you notice the bright pink shoelace as the hanger?  Yes, that is my old shoelace that I wore in my shoes for the past 2 years as a way to take steps for Janessa and a way to mother Janessa and Hope.  I thought it would be perfect to use those shoelaces as the holders for both Janessa and Hope's prayer flags.  When I see those laces is reminds me of how big and bright and in my face my grief use to be.  It reminds me that I have taken tiny steps forward on the grief journey by removing those laces.  It reminds me of  being able to symbolically mother both Janessa and Hope and include them in my daily life.  It was a way to carry them since I can't literally carry them as babies

 

Janessa's name is all wavy--up and down--symbolic of my grief journey these past 3 years.  There are 3 butterfly's standing for the 3 years she has been in Heaven and the month of March.  There are 9 daisy's to stand for her birthday on the 9th and that she made the 9th person in our family.  There are 3 pink hearts with daisy's again to stand for her age and the month of March.  There are 4 hearts on the flag and 4 daisy's across the bottom of the flag to stand for her due date April 4th.

 

I Love you Janessa!!  I miss you!!!  I think of you every day and carry you in my heart always!!  So grateful for the 36 weeks we got together and the short time I held you in my arms and the pictures I have of you.

 

 

 

Hope Abigail's Prayer Flag

 

 

Meaning and Symbolism on Hope Abigail's Prayer Flag:

 

Again I used my yellow shoelace.  I did want to point out the fabric that is the background of these pictures.  It was what I found after I decided to make the flags out of paper.  The fabric is perfect to represent both Janessa and Hope because it has pink and yellow and ladybugs, butterflies, hearts and flowers and it has my wedding colors of pink and turquoise blue.  For now I will just use it as a backdrop for pinwheel pictures.

 

There are 5 stars on this flag to represent the month of May.   The stars also look like pinwheels and starfish because Hope was part of the reason I started PinWheels From Heaven.  There are 7 white hearts to represent her birth date on the 7th and that she was my 7th daughter.  There are 7+5 total stars and hearts to equal 12 her due date month December and there are 3 white hearts and 3 yellow ladybugs to represent her due date of December 3rd.  When you add the 7 white hearts and the 3 ladybugs the total is 10 representing the 10 weeks that I carried her and that she was the 10th person in our family.

 

I Love You Hope Abigail!!!  I miss you!!!  I think of you everyday--you are Always in my Heart.  So grateful we got 10 weeks together. <3

 

 

Janessa & Hope's and the Angel Baby Prayer Flags all together

 

Prayer Flag for all the Angel Babies

This year for The Day of Hope I created a prayer flag that represents all of the angel babies that I have done PinWheel Pictures for.  The middle of this flag says "For this one it makes a difference".  This was the theme for this flag.  It is based off the story of  the Star Fish Legend.

Starfish Legend

An older man was walking along a beach when he saw a young boy. Along the shore were many starfish that had been washed up by the tide and were sure to die before the tide returned. The boy was walking slowly along the shore and occasionally reached down and tossed a beached starfish back into the ocean.

The older man, hoping to teach the boy a little lesson in common sense, walked up to the boy and said, "I have been watching what you are doing, son. You have a good heart, and I know you mean well, but do you realize how many beaches there are around here and how many starfish are dying on every beach every day? Surely, such an industrious and kindhearted boy such as yourself could find something better to do with your time. Do you really think that what you are doing is going to make a difference?"

The boy looked up at that man, and then he looked down at a starfish by his feet. He picked up the starfish, and as he gently tossed it back into the ocean, he said,

"For this one, it makes a difference."

 

That is my purpose for PinWheels In Heaven that one at a time I am helping to make a small difference in the lives of my fellow baby loss mommy sisters in grief/friends.  I hope it brings them comfort in knowing that I will remember and honor their angel babies.

 

Another thing I am adding to my purpose for PinWheels in Heaven is H.O.P.E

H-Helping

O    Other

P- People

E-Endure

 

I've borrowed this theme from Garrett's Project--they have a monthly HOPE Meetings and Garrett's Mommy has special projects that she does to honor her angel baby Garret like HOPE Dogs.  When I saw what they had HOPE stand for it really touched my heart and it really represents why I started PinWheels from Heaven in the first place.  It was after Janessa's 1st Angel Birthday and I wanted a way to honor her and help others in ways that I wished people had helped me.  I was pregnant with Hope Abigail when I started PinWheels from Heaven.  Hope was a big part of  this blog even though at first I never mentioned her.  Hope was what I was holding onto that I would find rainbow healing through her.  It was not to be and instead I gained another angel daughter.  Through Hope's death I have gained understanding, empathy and compassion for those who loose their babies through miscarriage early in their pregnancies.  I have learned that it doesn't matter when you loose your baby--all baby losses are valid.  All babies are important no matter how long they lived.  Hope is what I am striving for Hope for myself to find joy and peace again and Hope to help other people endure this very hard grief journey.

 

There is a star on the front and back to represent each Angel Baby and on the back of the flag I've listed all the angel babies names.

 

I really love how this flag turned out and I am so glad to have another way to honor and remember all of your angel babies on this Day of Hope too.

 

Just updated the List 9/15/2013 

In Remembrance of Our Precious Angel Babies

Gone Too Soon--Forever In Our Hearts!

 

4 Butterfly Babies

Abigail (Dec.)

Abigail (May)

Aiden

Aiden William

Ailynn Chevy

Alanna Phoebe

Alexis Antonette

Amelia Grace

Amelia Rose

Andrew Noah

Angel Flores

Annabelle

Arielle Rose

Ashlen Mitchell

Ashlynne Victoria

Athena Rayne

Aubree Ariel

Audrey Katniss

Audrina Kay Duke

Aurora Margaret

Austin Bradley Togneri

Autumn Elise

Azlynn Jessann

Baby Coppernall

Baby Hunter

Baby J & Raelynn

Baby Sabrowske

Benjamin Levi

Benji

Bilal

Blake & Bradyn

Blaze

Bo Ortiz

Bradyn

Brianna

Bryston & Colton

Caden

Calder Max

Caleb Thomas

Calvin

Calypso

Carli Hope

Carter

Carter Cooper

Catherine Elizabeth

Chase Gabriel

Chloe Danielle & Zoe Grace

Christyn Bryce

Claire

Clare Elizabeth

Corigan

Dakota Ann (Kody)

Dakota Blakely

Daniel Raymond

Darian Madison

DeAnn

Declan

Devon James

Eden Elizabeth

Eden Sky

Elias

Elijah Lee

Emersyn Belle

Emily Faith

Emma & Chase

Emmaliese

Ethan

Evan Thomas

Evelynn Augusta

Ezekiel Alexander

Feodora Laurent

Gabriel Sloan

Gaelen

Gage

Gavin Lee

Genesis

Grace Angel

Hannah Elizabeth

Hope Abigail

Hope Joi

Hunter Grace

Isaac Clade

Jack Francis

James Collins, Jr.

Janessa

Janessa Marie

Jeremiah

Jocelyn

Joey

Jonah Randee

Jonathan

Jordan

Joseph Parker

Josiah Angel

Journey Peace

Justice Miles

Justin Ray

Kaden James

Kaden Leon

Kadin Jude

Kael

Kaia Nicole

Kaison

Kaitlin Terra

Kamden

Kayden Michael Lee

Kristopher

Kynnzee Mae

Laken

Lee Anne

Leyna

Liam

Liberty John

Lil Lynch

Lillian Jean

Lilly Elizabeth

Logan

Logan Allan

Lucas

Madeline

Makaya LeighAnn

Matthew

Matthew Aaron

Maxxton

Maya Francine

Melissa Hope

Meredith Helen

Michael

Mikayla Grace

Miloh Brenner

Minter Everett

Nathaniel

Nevaeh Elizabeth-Rae      

Noah Alexander

Noah Joel

Quinton Edward & Owen Scott

Raegan

Rain Serenity Arizola

Rainbow

Rebecca Leigh

Reita Gale

Riley

River Daniel

RJ

Roman Zac

Roosevelt Washington IV

Samuel Evan

Scarlette Marie

Scott Leland

Sebastion Rush

Serenity Grace

Shiloh

Skyler Hope

Skyler Jack

Sophia

Sterling Snow

Summer Marie

Sunrise

Taylor

Tossie Adaline

Wade Albert Jr.

William Mullins

William Stephen

Wylder Linn

Zachary

Zachary Lee

Zahraa

 

Bryston & Colton's Angel Birthdays August 15th

Happy Angel Birthday

Bryston & Colton

 



Remembering Sandy Hook Elementary--Aug. 14

Remembering The Angels

at Sandy Hook Elementary.

 

We Will Never Forget!

 

<3 <3 <3

 



Sebastion's Angel Birthday August 12th

Happy Angel Birthday

Sebastion!

 



Emma & Chase's Angel Birthdays Aug. 12

Happy Angel Birthday

Emma & Chase!!

 



Janessa's Pinwheel is Broken

Janessa's big PinWheel that I just bought in March is broken.  Hope's seems to still be doing okay.  Thankfully when I bought it I bought some extra big pinwheels--didn't think I'd have to use it this early!  I've never had them break before the end of summer--it hasn't even been 6 months yet.  We've had a really hot (lots of days over 100), dry and windy summer this year.  Usually by the time I bring them inside in October they are brittle and falling apart but I usually don't have to replace them until March when I take them back outside.  The big pinwheels are seasonal at Hobby Lobby so you can only get them from February to about June and then they are gone.  I guess I'm going to have to buy extras next year too.

 

 

 I like her new pinwheel with all the pretty pink flowers on it.  I just hope it will last.  Can't wait until summer is over and we move into fall with its cooler temperatures and calmer days.

The only thing that really seems to be growing in my garden this year is these sunflowers.  We cut some yesterday and took them up to Janessa's grave so she could have a little bit of our home with her.

Found this quote by Clara Hinton that I really like:

Sometimes we just need a good hug and someone to share our tears. Parents of child loss often get a lot of advice on how to move on, think of the happy times, build a new future, this will make you stronger, etc. But, what child loss sufferers really need are people who will listen, feel some of our pain with us, and simply be there to help hold us up when we feel so weak that we can't carry on ourselves. Deep in our hearts we have all of the words of advice memorized. But, trying to live without our child takes the life right out of us. We feel so empty that it feels like we're not able to breathe. A friend who soothes our soul just by standing by our side is a lifesaver. And, every parent or family member suffering from the pain of losing a child needs at least one lifesaver to help keep us from dropping down into the pit of deep depression, loneliness, and utter hopelessness. This journey is far too hard to travel alone!

 

 

Janessa's Blackberries

3 days before Janessa died we planted a lilac bush in our backyard and blueberry bushes and blackberry bushes in our front yard near what is now Janessa and Hope's pinwheel garden. The lilac bush has survived and is now a beautiful bush near Janessa and Hope's memorial garden. The blueberry bushes died and we thought we had killed the blackberry bushes too because we basically planted it and then it got forgotten about because of grief. The last 2 years it has struggled to grow. This year--3 1/2 years later it is producing lots of yummy blackberries. They are black to remind me of my grief, but, they are very sweet to remind me that Janessa is still alive and I will get to see her again. So grateful this bush survived and is a reminder to me of Janessa <3

 

 

 

Janessa & Hope have my Kitty

I thought I had come up with a brilliant idea to provide some rainbow healing for myself--adopt a cat from the Humane Society.  I grew up with cats and I loved them.  They were my best friends that I could talk to and love and take care of.  When I got married I had to leave my cat, Muffin, with my parents because my husband has allergies.  12 years ago we moved in with my parents for about a month while we were waiting for our house that we were having built get done.  Muffin was an outside cat then so we didn't have any issues with the allergies and I got to enjoy being with my cat again.  She passed away a couple of months after we moved into our new house--I still have a picture of her on my bathroom counter. 

Remembering how much fun it was to have a cat as a kid I thought surely getting a cat would help provide a little rainbow healing.  When I presented the idea to my family half of them said NO we don't want a cat and the other half really wanted a cat.  I took a few of my kids today to the Humane Society to pet some cats and see how they reacted around them.  I'm really disappointed.  I wanted the cats to come up and jump on my lap and let me pet them.  I only had 1 cat that did that and that only lasted a couple of minutes.  I just didn't feel the comfort and ease around the cats like I use to.  I kept comparing the cats to Muffin and none of them measured up.  My oldest daughter was the pied piper cat lady because she would sit down and have cats fight each other to sit on her lap, but, she ended up getting bit and scratched by some really old and ornery cats. One of my daughters had a blast petting the cats and holding them and talking to them.  My youngest daughter was terrified of them and was to the point of tears any time they came near her and just wanted to go home.  My other daughter started sneezing and her nose started running and after being around the cats for an hour her eyes swelled up to the size of golf balls--definitely allergic. So this just ended up being another failed attempt at trying to find rainbow healing.  Another solution that is out of reach for me.  This is so FRUSTRATING!!! 

I want my old cat Muffin back!  I want Janessa and Hope Abigail back!  I can't have any of them!  At least Janessa and Hope have my cat Muffin to play with in Heaven.

 

My beautiful angel cat Muffin <3

Aubree Ariel's PinWheel

Zachary Lee's PinWheel

Calming the Storm/Calming the Child

Sometimes the pain of losing a child is so bad that we feel like throwing in the towel and giving up. It hurts too much to face each day without our child. However, we know that to stop living is to stop honoring our child, and so we cry, scream, sob, have meltdowns, and in the end, we face a new day praying that somehow, some way we will make it through. Hour by hour, minute by minute......sometimes that's all we can do. Child loss is a forever pain in the center of our heart that doesn't go away! It's the most piercing, gnawing, constant, lingering pain that will not go away. Every thought we have is wrapped in the pain of child loss!

-Silent Grief--Clara Hinton

 

 

 

God has not taken away the pain I feel.  He hasn't even provided a rainbow baby to help with the healing.  I've come to realize that this is a trial and challenge that isn't going to go away in a day or a month or a year, it is a trial I will have to live with for the rest of my life until I die and am reunited with Janessa and Hope Abigail.  That is a tough thing to have to face every morning, but, that is how I face it, day by day.

 

God has given me "Hugs From Heaven" to help me cope with each day.  He has helped me find small moments of peace of calm in doing pinwheel pictures and helping others.  He has placed people on this grief journey who have helped me along, especially my baby loss mommy friends who truly understand what this journey is like and are there to help me up on days that I stumble and feel like giving up.  I don't know why I have been thrown onto this grief journey and why he won't calm the storm and provide rainbow healing, but, I am grateful that amidst this terrible storm He is there to calm me instead.

 

 



RJ's Angel Birthday August 5th

Happy Angel Birthday

RJ!

 



Raegan's Angel Birthday Aug. 4

Happy Angel Birthday

Raegan!

 



Annual Events for PinWheels From Heaven

I've created some annual events that I am really excited about to honor and remember our Angel Babies.  I've listed this at the top of my blog and on my request a pinwheel page.  If I have done a pinwheel picture for your angel baby/child they are on my Angel Baby Birthday List and they will be included automatically each year at each of these events.

 

ANNUAL EVENTS FOR PINWHEELS FROM HEAVEN:

(1) Once your angel baby/child is on my Angel Birthday List each year on your Angel Baby/Child's Angel Birthday I will create a special blog post celebrating their special day.

(2) August 19th--Day of Hope: I will light candles under my PinWheels From Heaven Prayer Flag and I will write all the angel baby/children's names in chalk on my driveway and light luminaries around the angel baby/children's names.

(3) Oct. 15th--Wave of Light: Each year on this date I will be creating a PinWheel Healing Field in my front yard using all the angel baby/child's pinwheels and light candles by the pinwheels in remembrance of all of our angels.

(4) Christmas Angel Tree--For the month of December I will be hanging ornaments with all of your angel baby/children's names written on them on my outside angel tree. On Christmas Eve I will light candles around the Angel Tree in remembrance of all of our angels.

(5) Easter Angel Tree--For Easter I will be hanging plastic Easter eggs with all of the angel baby/children's names written on them on my outside angel tree. I will light candles around the tree on Easter in remembrance of all of our angels.

Pictures of events 2,3,4,5 will be posted here on this blog and on my face book page.

At PinWheels From Heaven Angel Babies and Angel Children are NEVER forgotten--they are ALWAYS remembered <3

Sophia's PinWheel

Shane Robert Langley Jr.'s Angel Birthday Aug. 1

Happy Angel Birthday

Shane Robert Langley Jr.

 



Eden Sky's Angel Birthday

Happy Angel Birthday

Eden Sky!



Zachary Lee's Angel Birthday in August

Happy Angel Birthday

Zachary Lee!

<3 <3