Sometimes the
pain of losing a child is so bad that we feel like throwing in the towel and
giving up. It hurts too much to face each day without our child. However, we
know that to stop living is to stop honoring our child, and so we cry, scream,
sob, have meltdowns, and in the end, we face a new day praying that somehow,
some way we will make it through. Hour by hour, minute by minute......sometimes
that's all we can do. Child loss is a forever pain in the center of our heart
that doesn't go away! It's the most piercing, gnawing, constant, lingering pain
that will not go away. Every thought we have is wrapped in the pain of child
loss!
-Silent Grief--Clara Hinton
God has not taken away the pain I feel. He hasn't even provided a rainbow baby to help with the healing. I've come to realize that this is a trial and challenge that isn't going to go away in a day or a month or a year, it is a trial I will have to live with for the rest of my life until I die and am reunited with Janessa and Hope Abigail. That is a tough thing to have to face every morning, but, that is how I face it, day by day.
God has given me "Hugs From Heaven" to help me cope with each day. He has helped me find small moments of peace of calm in doing pinwheel pictures and helping others. He has placed people on this grief journey who have helped me along, especially my baby loss mommy friends who truly understand what this journey is like and are there to help me up on days that I stumble and feel like giving up. I don't know why I have been thrown onto this grief journey and why he won't calm the storm and provide rainbow healing, but, I am grateful that amidst this terrible storm He is there to calm me instead.
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