Valentine Angel Tree

Valentines Day is one of my favorite holidays.  I decided this year to celebrate it with all of our Angel Children by having our first official Valentine Angel Tree.  I have written the names of all of the angel children I have done pinwheel pictures for on hearts and I will be hanging them in the Angel Tree today Jan. 14th 1 month before Valentines Day.  I have placed red solar lights around the base of the tree and I will be placing Teddy Bears at the base of this tree to represent all of our angel children. The Christmas Bows have all been taken down now, but, I left the Christmas lights up so I can light up this tree for Valentines Day, Janessa's 4th Angel Birthday, Easter, Jason's Due Date, and Hope Abigails 3rd Angel Birthday.  Here are pictures of all the Heart Names by B-day Months:

 

 

 

THESE ARE THE ANGEL CHILDREN WHO ARE ON THE PINWHEEL WAITING LIST

 

 

 

 

THE VALENTINE ANGEL TREE

 

 

These are the "We Love You BEARY Much and We Miss You BEARY Much" bears that represent our Angels that will sit below the Angel Tree through Valentines Day!

 

The Brave Little Orange Bear is finally Rescued!!

Went out to the cemetery today and found the little orange bear standing on his head--Jason!!!!!!!  We finally rescued him and brought him home.  He has faithfully stood guard at Janessa grave since October--He deserves a Medal!!!  We took a little "Spring" to Janessa amongst all the winter cold, snow and ice.

Shiloh's Angel Birthday January 12th

Happy Angel Birthday

Shiloh!

 



3 Months--1/10/2014

It seems almost unreal to me today that it has been 3 months since my miscarriage.  It almost seems like it wasn't real and that it was all a really bad nightmare and that I was never pregnant.  My mind and heart feel so confused today--if it never really happened then why do I feel so sad. 

3 Months since my heartache--3 Months until what was suppose to be my healing miracle.  These two tickers both say 3 months but they mean such opposite things.  It is almost cruel to have them both saying 3 months at the same time.  3 Months--12 Weeks how long I carried Jason--how long we shared our lives together.  3 months is not very long, but, in a way it is way too long.

3 Months--3 Angel Babies--3 holes in my heart.

The Tickers that represent my Reality:





The Ticker that I wish was my reality but instead represents stolen hopes and dreams:

The PinWheel Waiting List is Open!!!

It has been 3 months since I've done a pinwheel picture--I've really missed it.  I've missed the peace and healing that I receive as I create the pinwheel pictures.  I've missed the happiness it brought me.  I happily announce that the pinwheel waiting list is now OPEN.

Please click on the request a pinwheel picture tab above to get all the details.

Just a reminder that the pinwheel colors are chosen from what I have available and that is will take about 4-6 weeks for the pictures to get done depending upon how many pinwheel picture requests I get.

Welcome Back Everyone, I look forward to meeting more of Janessa, Hope, and Jason's Angel Friends.

<3  <3  <3

Jason's 3 Month Angel Birthday

Happy 3 Month

Angel Birthday

JASON

<3 <3 <3

 
I hate that it has been 3 months since we loss you and I hate that in 3 months is your due date.  I wish you were still safe inside me and that I could feel you happily kicking and moving and that I was buying things for you and getting things prepared for you.  I wish I could hold you and not just your little blue teddy bear.

We Love You!!!  We Miss You!!!

Taylor's Angel Birthday January 10th

Happy Angel Birthday

Taylor!

 



Ronald's Angel Birthday January 8th

Happy Angel Birthday

Ronald!

 



Sterling Snow's Angel Birthday January 6th

Happy Angel Birthday

Sterling Snow!

 



Tomorrow. . . .

Tomorrow is a hard day for me.

Tomorrow my little 3 1/2 year old  Angel Janessa should be going into Junior Primary in Church as the newest member of the Sunbeam Class.

Tomorrow I will watch all her little classmates that were born the same time as her reluctantly cling to their Mother's hands as they all go into their first Sunbeam Class, then a couple of hours later I will see all these little 3 year olds emerge with smiles on their faces and pictures in their hands ready to show to their anxiously awaiting Mothers.

Tomorrow I will endure a silent grief that no one will even imagine I still have--they figure Janessa has been gone for 3 1/2 years now and that I don't think about her anymore either and that I don't have anymore "hard" days.

Tomorrow I will weep for my little Janessa and this precious 1st Sunbeam Class experience that we will never have together.

Tomorrow we face the fact that our youngest living child now joins us in Senior Primary and that we are done and will have no more children in Junior Primary.

Tomorrow my heart will break just a little more and ache just a little more than usual for my precious and beautiful  <3 Janessa <3

 

Look What Came in the Mail

Look what came in the mail--PINWHEELS!!!  I have really missed doing pinwheel pictures so I am happy to announce that next Friday--January 10th, on Jason's 3 Month Angel Birthday--The Pinwheel Waiting List will be opened again!!!

Because the pinwheels are out of season right now I had to buy them from a supplier--they cost me double the price plus shipping of just being able to get them at Target, so because of that I will only be able to accept 35 Angel Names on my Wait List from January - April until the pinwheels come in season again.

I also wanted to let you know that my dollar pictures on my http://ahugfromheaven.blogspot.com/ are how I am funding being able to buy the pinwheels and the other items that I do for the annual events so that all of that is kept free.  So when you buy a Hug From Heaven Block Name picture for yourself, you are also helping to support PinWheels From Heaven and I greatly appreciate   it <3

Right now I have 3 different Pictures to choose from for my $1 Winter Name Block Pictures.  Each month there will be a different $1 name picture available.

Ashlen Mitchell's Angel Birthday January 4th

Happy Angel Birthday

Ashlen Mitchell!

 



Liam's Angel Birthday January 3rd

Happy Angel Birthday

Liam!

 

 

18 Bags

Well, here it is 18 bags of all my hopes and dreams ready to be donated tomorrow.  Part of me is screaming don't do it just keep it--while the other part of me is just saying "let it go--it is time"  Such opposite feelings--not really sure how I should be feeling.

These bags all contain clothes we cleaned out from our under the stairs closet. It was loaded to the ceiling with baby clothes and maternity clothes and all stages of hand-me-down clothes in all the in between sizes that have been piling up in there for the past 12 years!!! We bagged up over half of it to give as a donation to the DI. It was hard going through all the little clothes I had saved to pass down to Janessa and Hope. I kept some "happy memory" outfits that I have of my other kids wearing these clothes that some day I will make into a memory quilt.

It felt good to finally go through all of that stuff. It was a closing/healing moment to throw out some of the maternity clothes and just box up some "happy memory" outfits that again some day I will make into a memory quilt. All of my maternity clothes have actually still been up on a shelf in my closet because I couldn't bear to put them away after I miscarried Jason and it just feels time now, although that doesn't quite take away the hurt that is still there.

12 Weeks--January 2nd, 2014

It has now been 12 weeks since I loss Jason.  It seemed like such a long time, but, it passed very quickly just like my 12 weeks with Jason.  These past 12 weeks have been very hard mixed in with the holidays.  I hate that starting tomorrow I will have been without Jason longer than I was with him.  The next 12-16 weeks aren't going to be any easier because now I have to face Janessa's angel birthday and Jason's Due Date April 25th--I dread that the most.  This will also be the last time I post pictures of the little knit hats I am making--it  is too hard remembering each week since I loss him and it is too hard remembering how many weeks I should be pregnant so I am going to let those numbers just disappear now and just focus on his monthly angel b-days. I am working on knitting 40 different little hats to represent the weeks I should have gotten with him and that I will post pictures of on his due date.  So for today I have 6 little rainbow hats to represent the 6 months I should be pregnant with my rainbow baby and 6 different colored hats for the 6 months that I am not pregnant with him.  On the back of each hat I wrote something that happened each week for the 12 weeks that I did carry Jason.  I found these little baby shoes that are perfect to represent Jason they have stars and airplanes and clouds on them.  I just wish they weren't so empty and that they weren't going to stay empty.

C.E. Rubiss Angel Birthday January 1

Happy Angel Birthday

C.E. Rubiss!

 



Abbie (Abba Gale) Angel Birthday January

Happy Angel Birthday

Abbie

(Abba Gale)!

<3