Janessa's PinWheels
Janessa's 10th Angel Birthday
Hope's 7th Angel Ticker
Jason's 6th Angel B-day Ticker
Rae Anne 6th b-day Ticker
Our Anniversary
Thursday, March 13, 2014
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Thank You for Remembering
Thank You to everyone who took time to remember Janessa on her Angel Birthday--it really meant a lot to me! :)
<3 <3 <3 <3
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Monday, March 10, 2014
Happy 5 Month Angel Birthday Jason
Happy 5 Month
Angel Birthday
Jason
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3
"Owl" always Love You!
"Owl" always Miss You!
"Owl" always Remember You!
"Owl" ways in My Heart <3
Sunday, March 9, 2014
Happy 4th Angel Birthday Janessa
Happy 4th Angel Birthday
JANESSA!
<3 <3 <3 <3
This birthday you have reached your due date age 4/04/2010.
As the days and months and years slip by I still find myself wanting so badly to see you and hold you. I feel so cheated of these years and moments that have been taken away. It still hurts to see others go through their entire pregnancy and come back with an alive baby. I'm forced to see that happen every year at this time in this neighborhood and it does not get any easier.
I wanted so much for this angel birthday to be so different. I wanted to be 8 months pregnant with your rainbow brother and have him to help me through you and Hope's angel birthdays this year. But, instead he joined you in Heaven and I am now having to face this alone again without the hope I have had the past 3 years that I would have another living baby. Some days are so very hard and empty.
I pray that others will remember you this day. I guess that is my biggest fear as the years go by that everyone will forget you and Hope and Jason and that hurts as much as this day in 2010 when I found out you had died. I will never forget you. As long as I am living I will remember you and honor you and you will live on through me.
I miss you more each year. Sometimes the pain and hurt I feel is indescribable and I don't know how to keep moving forward, but, somehow, someway I do.
I Love You!
Love, Mommy
Thursday, March 6, 2014
A Broken Heart
Janessa's middle name was suppose to be Julianna after a friend of mine whose on a grief journey of her own, and whose birthday 4/04 was Janessa's due date. When Janessa died I didn't want my friend to feel like everything associated with her dies so I decided to save that name for a future baby--that will never be now.
Want to know why I gave Janessa my name, Shauna, as her middle name--because March 9th, 2010 at 10:30 a.m. when an ultrasound confirmed that my precious little girls heart was no longer beating, a part of me died with her. It might sound harsh, but, every time I went to her grave I wanted to see my name along side hers reminding me that part of me was dead too and lays in the ground in the pink coffin with her.
I haven't been able to sleep the past couple of nights because I toss and turn remembering events surrounding Janessa's death and remembering events surrounding Jason's death both are causing me extreme emotional pain right now.
It is getting so hard the closer we get to the 9th. It hurts so much to know that tomorrow the 7th was the last day my precious baby was alive. Every year I tell myself this is going to get easier, but, every year I find myself hurting just as much. I miss my little Janessa so much today--I hope I can make it through the next 3 days. </3
— Want to know why I gave Janessa my name, Shauna, as her middle name--because March 9th, 2010 at 10:30 a.m. when an ultrasound confirmed that my precious little girls heart was no longer beating, a part of me died with her. It might sound harsh, but, every time I went to her grave I wanted to see my name along side hers reminding me that part of me was dead too and lays in the ground in the pink coffin with her.
I haven't been able to sleep the past couple of nights because I toss and turn remembering events surrounding Janessa's death and remembering events surrounding Jason's death both are causing me extreme emotional pain right now.
It is getting so hard the closer we get to the 9th. It hurts so much to know that tomorrow the 7th was the last day my precious baby was alive. Every year I tell myself this is going to get easier, but, every year I find myself hurting just as much. I miss my little Janessa so much today--I hope I can make it through the next 3 days. </3
feeling sad.
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Janessa's Birthday PinWheel 4
I now have a large 4 made of pinwheels in my front lawn and it looks truly AMAZING!! It was hard putting it together last night and this morning because it was really cold and wet. I got a little sad as I putting the pinwheels in the ground because I could see out of the corner of my eye people walking by and driving by looking at them wondering what I was doing. I wanted to shout "This is how you celebrate your babies 4th birthday when they are in Heaven." I really just want to have my excited 4 year old back to open presents and blow out birthday candles on a princess cake instead.
These were taken yesterday as I was starting to put the Pinwheel 4 together.
These were taken this morning as I watched the Sunrise--it was really cold waiting for the sun to rise, but, so worth it!!! It is really neat that today is 4 days to Janessa's 4th Angel Birthday.
This is the small pinwheel I got to represent Janessa's 4th Angel Birthday
<3 <3 <3 <3
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
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