Trauma Counseling

So my husband and I have been going to grief/marriage counseling for almost a year now.  It's helped, but, we've kind of reached a blockade where we aren't progressing anymore.  The problem, I have extreme trauma related to both Janessa and Hope's deaths that makes it really hard for me to cope in "real" life seeing pregnant women, babies, and toddlers.  I have melt downs and anxiety attacks, almost every Sunday and it has been really hard to cope with. 

One of the hardest things is other people not understanding how hard this is for me.  They judge me because it has been 3 1/2 years and I should "be over it" already.  I have a form of PTSD that a lot of people don't understand because they can't see how having a stillborn baby and a miscarried baby could cause such trauma, anxiety, and stress.  I'm glad that for most blm's the grief doesn't get this awful and that most are able to find ways to cope and move forward.  For me it has been like I am in a deep, dark, hole and haven't been able to get out.  My current counselor has sent me to a Trauma Counselor who deals with PTSD.  I had my first appointment yesterday.  It was more of a getting to know you appointment, tell me your story and lets see if you are a good candidate for EMDR Therapy.  I shared both Janessa and Hope's stories.  I was shocked by the details I still remember and the emotions that came along with it.  I almost felt like I relived both of those awful days yesterday--it was hard.  But, it was also nice to have someone listen and care.  She said I am definitely a good candidate for the Therapy.  That will start next week.  It is going to be hard because each session I'm going to have to think about a hard memory and get to the point where I am reliving it so she can help me refile that memory into a normal thing.  I'm scared and really nervous, but, want so badly for this to work because I am so tired of all the anxiety and stress that I have been trying to cope with on my own.

This therapy is going to take up even more of my limited time, so I apologize for an even longer delay in getting pinwheel pictures done for those on the pinwheel waiting list.