EMDR--Trauma Therapy Update

 

 

I found this graphic today and it fits perfect for how I feel today.  I have been doing EMDR Therapy almost every week through September.  I was skeptical about how it would work.  It has been really hard reliving all those traumatic memories of Janessa and Hope's deaths, but, it is fascinating to watch me go from a anxiety stressed-out state of mind to a feeling of calm and peace regarding those very hard memories.  The first week I felt this calm and peace that enveloped me like a blanket for the whole week.  That was nice.  I don't feel that now, but, I do feel a peace and calm in my mind.

 

Now for the results.  My counselor told me to look for little changes as I was faced with trigger items.  The first thing I noticed was grocery shopping as I saw pregnant women and women with babies and toddlers my brain saw them and just thought oh it's a pregnant lady or a baby or a toddler--no big deal and then moved on.  No anxiety, no stress and trying to look away or get out of same aisle as them, it was just normal and I continued shopping.  I've gotten to the point now that my mind doesn't even point them out anymore--I view them as just other people in the grocery store.  This was huge for me!!!  What a relief to go grocery shopping and not have it be a big deal.  The next big thing I've noticed is my reaction at church.  I really didn't think it would have that big of an effect that first Sunday, but, it did!!!  I was able to face people with babies and talk to them.  I sat through a primary song that has big reminders for me of Janessa's graveside service and it didn't bother me and in fact my brain took that song and allowed me to look at it in a different way.  For the first time in 3 1/2 years I was able to sing the songs and listen to the talks and look around and not at my feet in Sacrament Meeting and I actually enjoyed the meeting because my brain just registered all of those "trigger" things as just normal. 

 

I could just cry, tears of happiness--I finally have my life back!!!  It is so amazing to see the difference this EMDR Therapy has had on my life.  I have felt like there was a huge road block stopping me from moving forward on my grief journey and now I feel like that road block is gone.  I feel a freedom that I haven't felt in a long time.  Before August I felt so hopeless--I felt like I was going to have to endure the rest of my life feeling all this trauma, stress, and anxiety and I didn't know how I was going to do it.  Now I feel full of hope, joy, and PEACE!