UPDATE

I need to update on my previous post because I had something happened that helped me feel better.

It just really hurt today to see those 5 year old kids.  I could feel a panic attack coming on and I just wanted to go somewhere and throw things and scream and cry at the top of my lungs about how unfair life is.  God had another plan for me today--just as all that panic started to hit, I received a text from one of my neighbors frantically trying to find someone who could pick up her kids from a charter school about 15 min. away from where we live.  It probably wasn't the first thing I wanted to do especially because part of the reason I chose to home school my kids was that I hate the end of school line of ornery parents trying to pick up their kids, but, I agreed to do it anyway.  It was such a great experience--this charter school had the pick up of kids so organized--I was impressed and it was fun to pretend to be my neighbors kids Mom and ask them how their day went.

I still feel sad about the trigger event, but, I don't feel the panic that I felt earlier, in fact I felt a calm and a peace after I had dropped the kids at their house.  I am grateful that I was given the opportunity to serve someone else today because it helped me too.  It was a good reminder of why I started PinWheels From Heaven in the first place because serving and helping others helps bring me some of the peace and calm I so desperately seek.