Abigail's Angel Birthday Dec. 18

Happy Angel Birthday

Abigail!

 



12 Thoughts Before Christmas: Day 7-Dec. 18

Day 7-Dec. 18:

"When a baby is born, it's a mother's instinct to protect the baby. When a baby dies, it's the mother's instinct to protect their memory."

 

June Angel Babies

How To Help

Yesterday at church as I looked into the eyes of my cute little primary class of 8  6-year-olds, I couldn't help becoming emotional thinking about the 20 6/7 year olds that won't be going home ever again.  One of the little girls in my class in our opening prayer ended her prayer with "please bless that no more bad guys will get into our schools"  it made me want to cry about the world they are faced with. 

Losing Janessa and Hope was completely different to the horrible way these parents loss their children and I can't even imagine having to deal with that, but, I do know what it is like to bury a child, I know what it is like to have empty arms and cry yourself to sleep not knowing how you can face another day, I do know what it is like to spend birthdays and holidays at the cemetery and it makes my heart break that 20 other parents have to face that as their "new normal" life. 

I wanted to list a few ways that I have found if you want to help some of these parents:

Financially, probably a lot of them don't have life insurance for their children because you expect your child to outlive you not the other way around, so burial costs are quite the shock when you are faced with them.  Here are a few places to donate financially:

United Way of Western Connecticut--general fundraiser for all the victims

Emilie Parker Fund -- this little girl's family is originally from Utah and they are going to bury her back here so they need money to transport her body from Connecticut and help with funeral costs.

Some other things to do:

Pray for them, light candles in remembrance of them.

Send letters of support to the School

Sandy Hook Elementary School
12 Dickenson Drive
Sandy Hook, CT 06482

Support Others who are doing Acts of Service for them

Eden's Wings--this blm mommy is going to send angel wing bracelets to every family of the victims

Hunter Grace's Angel Birthday Dec. 17

Happy Angel Birthday

Hunter Grace!

 



12 Thoughts Before Christmas--Day 8-Dec. 17

Day 8-Dec. 17: 

 

Sometimes the greatest miracles come when God changes us and gives us joy in Him, even though our prayers aren’t answered the way we prayed

they would be.  

T. Suzanne Eller

 

 

May Angel Babies

 

12 Thoughts Before Christmas--Day 9-Dec. 16

Day 9-Dec. 16:

I believe that true friends are quiet angels who sit on our shoulders and lift our wings when we forget how to fly. (Compassionate Friends)

 

 

April Angel Babies

 

 

12 Thoughts Before Christmas--Day 10-Dec. 15

Day 10-Dec. 15:

Sometimes the strongest and most courageous people are those who cry behind closed doors and

fight battles nobody sees.

 

 

March Angel Babies

 

Praying

Praying for all the people in Newtown, Connecticut.

12 Thoughts Before Christmas--Day 11-Dec. 14

Day 11-Dec. 14:

Grief in not a disorder, disease or a sign of weakness.

It is an emotional, physical & spiritual necessity,

the price you pay for love. (Compassionate Friends)

 

 

February Angel Babies

 

Evan Thomas's PinWheel

12 Thoughts Before Christmas Day 12--Dec. 13

Day 12--Dec. 13: 

Treasure Yesterday, Dream of Tomorrow, but Live for Today

 

January Angel Babies

12/12/2012

So supposedly today or on the 21st of this month the world is suppose to end.  Unlike others who are fearful or think it is all a bunch of crap would you believe that I would rejoice if it did end.  It would mean no more grief--no more sadness--no more hating the holidays--no more feeling like life is unfair--no more going to the cemetery to decorate a grave--no more hard days to endure--no more angel birthdays to get through--NO MORE WAITING TO SEE JANESSA & HOPE ABIGAIL again!!!

The end of the world . . . . . I say bring it on! :)  I'll be waiting on my porch munching on my twinkies (no wait there are no more twinkies--Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!  It already is the end of the world!!)                                                   
                                                               

You do have to admit that todays date 12/12/12 is AWESOME!!  It is the last time in another 1,000 years that the the month, date, and year will all line up.  Do a Random Act of Kindness today, Do something to honor your Angel Baby today, Do something so that this date will be memorable besides being the end of the world.  I think today I will start to give up some of my bitterness regarding loosing Janessa & Hope.

 "Resentment is anger with a history. And bitterness? A lot of people become bitter over life's issues. It's often said that when you're dealing with hardship and hurt in your life, and great pain, you can either become bitter or you can become better. Challenge yourself always to let God do a work through you so you can become stronger and more effective."

The history that bitterness dwells on is like a stack of IOUs of what you think people should have done and how situations should have worked out. The only way to be free is to tear up the IOUs and let the bitterness go." Grief Share 

Today I am determine to rip up some of those "bitter IOU's" that I have been clinging to for the past 2 1/2 years and let them go.  Hmm, maybe I will let a balloon go today to represent that.  So if it is the end of the world today I say "See Ya All in Heaven rejoicing as we introduce our angel babies to each other" and if it is just another day then I say "We're one more sunset closer to seeing our angel babies."  Either way I am grateful to have all of you as my friends.

Hugs,

:`)  Shauna :`)

:)Janessa & Hope's Mommy:)

Kristopher's Angel Birthday--Dec. 11

Happy Angel Birthday

Kristopher!

 



Rainbow's Angel Birthday Dec. 10th

Happy Angel Birthday

Rainbow!

 



Elias' Angel Birthday Dec. 9th

Happy Angel Birthday

Elias!

 



Catherine Elizabeth's Angel Birthday Dec. 9th

Happy Angel Birthday

Catherine Elizabeth!

 



A Christmas Stocking for Sohani

Where Sohani, our World Vision sponsor child, lives they do not celebrate Christmas so we couldn't do very much for her.  I decided to hang up a stocking for her and we will collect money in it all month and then donate the money to the Salvation Army bell ringers right before Christmas.  I think we will keep the stocking up all year next year and collect extra change in it all year and then maybe next Dec. we can donate it to one of World Visions donation projects like school books for a child, or a room for a an orphan, or animals for a family.

 

Hugs,

:`) Shauna :`(

:)Janessa & Hope's Mommy:)

Christmas Angel Tree

It finally snowed here!!  Now the angel tree looks like a Christmas Angel Tree.  I've been waiting and waiting to go out and make snowhearts for Janessa and Hope.  Love ya my little angels--look down from Heaven tonight and see your snowheart from Mommy. <3 <3

Hugs,

:`)  Shauna :`)

:)Janessa & Hope's Mommy:)

Abigail's PinWheel--(5-30-6-04)

Emmaliese's Angel Birthday Dec. 8th

Happy Angel Birthday

Emmaliese!

 

Because I Live, Ye Shall Live Also

A couple of months ago my church had a General Conference where we heard talks by our Prophet and other leaders.  One of the talks by Shayne M. Bowen touched my heart and I wanted to share it because it brings such hope to those of us who have loss children.  This is the reason I find hope this Christmas!  Jesus's gift of the resurrection is the best Christmas present I will ever receive!

To view the full talk click here Because I Live Ye Shall Also

Because I Live Ye Shall Also by Shayne M. Bowen:

Because of Him, even our Savior, Jesus Christ, those feelings of sorrow, loneliness, and despair will one day be swallowed up in a fulness of joy.

10491_000_15bowen
I would like to speak to those who have lost a child and have asked the question, “Why me?” or maybe even questioned your own faith in a loving Father in Heaven. It is my prayer that by the power of the Holy Ghost, I may bring some measure of hope, of peace, and of understanding. It is my desire to be an instrument in bringing about a restoration of your faith in our loving Father in Heaven, who knows all things and allows us to experience trials so that we can come to know and love Him and understand that without Him we have nothing.

On February 4 of 1990, our third son and sixth child was born. We named him Tyson. He was a beautiful little boy, and the family greeted him with open hearts and open arms. His brothers and sisters were so proud of him. We all thought he was the most perfect little boy who had ever been born.

 

When Tyson was eight months old, he aspirated a piece of chalk that he had found on the carpet. The chalk lodged in Tyson’s throat, and he quit breathing. His older brother brought Tyson upstairs, frantically calling, “The baby won’t breathe. The baby won’t breathe.” We began to administer CPR and called 911.

 

The paramedics arrived and rushed Tyson to the hospital. In the waiting room we continued in fervent prayer as we pled to God for a miracle. After what seemed a lifetime, the doctor came into the room and said, “I am so sorry. There is nothing more we can do. Take all the time you need.” She then left.

 

As we entered the room where Tyson lay, we saw our lifeless little bundle of joy. It seemed as though he had a celestial glow around his little body. He was so radiant and pure.

 

At that moment it felt as if our world had come to an end. How could we return to the other children and somehow try to explain that Tyson wasn’t coming home?

 

I will speak in the singular as I relate the rest of this experience. My angel wife and I experienced this trial together, but I am inadequate in expressing the feelings of a mother and would not even try to do so.

 

It is impossible to describe the mixture of feelings that I had at that point in my life. Most of the time I felt as if I were in a bad dream and that I would soon wake up and this terrible nightmare would be over. For many nights I didn’t sleep. I often wandered in the night from one room to the other, making sure that our other children were all safe.

 

Feelings of guilt racked my soul. I felt so guilty. I felt dirty. I was his father; I should have done more to protect him. If only I would have done this or that. Sometimes even today, 22 years later, those feelings begin to creep into my heart, and I need to get rid of them quickly because they can be destructive.

 

About a month after Tyson died, I had an interview with Elder Dean L. Larsen. He took the time to listen to me, and I will always be grateful for his counsel and love. He said, “I don’t think the Lord would want you to punish yourself for the death of your little boy.” I felt the love of my Heavenly Father through one of his chosen vessels.

 

However, tormenting thoughts continued to plague me, and I soon began to feel anger. “This isn’t fair! How could God do this to me? Why me? What did I do to deserve this?” I even felt myself get angry with people who were just trying to comfort us. I remember friends saying, “I know how you feel.” I would think to myself, “You have no idea how I feel. Just leave me alone.” I soon found that self-pity can also be very debilitating. I was ashamed of myself for having unkind thoughts about dear friends who were only trying to help.

 

As I felt the guilt, anger, and self-pity trying to consume me, I prayed that my heart could change. Through very personal sacred experiences, the Lord gave me a new heart, and even though it was still lonely and painful, my whole outlook changed. I was given to know that I had not been robbed but rather that there was a great blessing awaiting me if I would prove faithful.

 

My life started to change, and I was able to look forward with hope, rather than look backward with despair. I testify that this life is not the end. The spirit world is real. The teachings of the prophets regarding life after death are true. This life is but a transitory step forward on our journey back to our Heavenly Father.

 

Tyson has remained a very integral part of our family. Through the years it has been wonderful to see the mercy and kindness of a loving Father in Heaven, who has allowed our family to feel in very tangible ways the influence of Tyson. I testify that the veil is thin. The same feelings of loyalty, love, and family unity don’t end as our loved ones pass to the other side; instead, those feelings are intensified.

 

Sometimes people will ask, “How long did it take you to get over it?” The truth is, you will never completely get over it until you are together once again with your departed loved ones. I will never have a fulness of joy until we are reunited in the morning of the First Resurrection.

 

 

“For man is spirit. The elements are eternal, and spirit and element, inseparably connected, receive a fulness of joy;

“And when separated, man cannot receive a fulness of joy.”³

 

But in the meantime, as the Savior taught, we can continue with good cheer.⁴

 

I have learned that the bitter, almost unbearable pain can become sweet as you turn to your Father in Heaven and plead for His comfort that comes through His plan; His Son, Jesus Christ; and His Comforter, who is the Holy Ghost.

 

What a glorious blessing this is in our lives. Wouldn’t it be tragic if we didn’t feel great sorrow when we lose a child? How grateful I am to my Father in Heaven that He allows us to love deeply and love eternally. How grateful I am for eternal families. How grateful I am that He has revealed once again through His living prophets the glorious plan of redemption.

 

Remember as you attended the funeral of your loved one the feelings in your heart as you drove away from the cemetery and looked back to see that solitary casket—wondering if your heart would break.

I testify that because of Him, even our Savior, Jesus Christ, those feelings of sorrow, loneliness, and despair will one day be swallowed up in a fulness of joy. I testify that we can depend on Him and when He said:

 

“I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.

“Yet a little while, and the world seeth me no more; but ye see me: because I live, ye shall live also.”⁵

 

I testify that, as stated in Preach My Gospel, “as we rely on the Atonement of Jesus Christ, He can help us endure our trials, sicknesses, and pain. We can be filled with joy, peace, and consolation. All that is unfair about life can be made right through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.”⁶

 

I testify that on that bright, glorious morning of the First Resurrection, your loved ones and mine will come forth from the grave as promised by the Lord Himself and we will have a fulness of joy. Because He lives, they and we shall live also. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

 

 

Ways Others Can Help by Carly Marie

 

Ideas by Carly Marie

Twisted Violinist and The Angel Tree

One of my daughters is just learning to play the violin and she has set up a blog to document her experiences learning to play it.  She wanted to create a youtube video in front of The Angel Tree so here is a live action look at The Angel Tree at night:

My Christmas Angel Tree

This year I decided to do an outdoor Christmas Angel Tree in remembrance of all of our angel babies.  I got little present ornaments and wrote all of our angel babies names on the ornaments.  Thanksgiving day my family and I went out and decorated the Angel Tree.  It is so beautiful!  During the day the presents reflect and shine the sunlight and then at night the tree is lit up by Christmas lights.  I also put 3 candles at the base of the tree that will be lit every night through Christmas.  I put bells on the tree so when the wind blows our angels will have tiny voices.  I hope it helps to know that your angel babies are being remembered this Christmas.

I'm going to be doing a 12 Thoughts to Christmas blog posts revealing pictures of  the little present ornaments according to their angel month with daily thoughts to go with it.  So check back on Dec. 13-24th.  I will be starting on the 13th with all the January Angel babies.  I've decided on Christmas Eve to do another wave of light and I will be bringing out the 130 little candle lights and surrounding the angel tree with them--it should look Amazing!

 

 

Janessa's New Christmas Ornament

Remember how I mentioned that the memorial ornament that I had for Janessa was really bothering me, well I created a new ornament for her through Shutterfly.  I will keep her 1st ornament as a reminder of the new grief I felt her first and second Christmas's in Heaven--it will remind me of the rainbow we saw outside the hospital window when she was born sleeping. 

This ornament reflects the gratitude I have for being able to have Janessa in my life for the short amount of time I did and the gratitude I have for those who remember Janessa and keep her memory alive by writing her name.

Cube ornament

View the entire collection of cards.

Counseling Appointment #3

I went to counseling session number 3 today and it was nice today to share good things that had happened instead of just all the bad and yucky feelings. As I was sharing my counselor looked at me and said “look Shauna you’re beginning to heal!” It made me really stop and look back on the last couple of weeks and realize that yes I have finally begun to let people in and I have started down the healing journey that will enable me to accept and live with the deaths of Janessa and Hope. It feels good to finally be pointed in the right direction again. I still really like going to counseling. It is so nice to talk to someone who is a 3rd party and can see the outside view of all that I’m feeling and helps validate those feelings and helps me to understand those feelings and channel them in the right way.

Hugs,

:`) Shauna :`)

:)Janessa & Hope's Mommy:)

Janessa's "Molly Bear"

I received my Janessa Molly Bear in November.  I was so nervous opening the box.  I burst into tears when I pulled it out of the box and held those 4 lbs 15 oz. in my arms. It was just like holding Janessa in my arms again.  That is one of the things I remember the most is how heavy Janessa felt in my arms and holding this teddy bear brought all those memories back and I am grateful for them.  I love how this bear has its arms stretched out wide like it is waiting to be picked up and hugged.  Molly's mommy will never know what a truly wonderful gift this is for me.

Visit Molly Bears

December 3rd 2012

Remembering you today Hope Abigail on your due date.  I wish this was your first birthday and we were celebrating with a teddy bear cake.  I wish I had you here to fill my empty arms during the holidays.  I Love You!  I Miss You!  Love Mommy

Kynnzee Mae's PinWheel

My December Thankful List

Doing monthly thankful lists this year has helped me focus on the tender mercies Heavenly Father has given me to help me through this year.

Each angel figurine I have, Each memorial candle I get to light

Cd of stress relief instrumental Christmas Music

Every "angel baby" present and jingle bell on my Christmas Angel Tree.

Molly bear for Janessa

Being called as a primary teacher at church

Each Christmas star icicle light on the outside of my house

Really fast internet that we just upgraded to

Janessa & Hope's Painted Rock Names

I love seeing the creative ways that others write Angel Baby names.  These were created by Kyla in memory of her sweet angel baby Tossie.  Tossie's Tree and Painted Rocks

Thank you so much Kyla!!