My first thoughts yesterday as I remembered Janessa on her half birthday was I wish that Sept. 9th was just a plain ordinary day. I wish it didn't mark a half way point. For everyone else but my husband and I it probably was just an ordinary day. For us it marks 6 months since her last angel birthday and 6 months until her next angel birthday. It is a day for reflection for me to look back and see how far I've come, but, it is also a day of sadness for me to remember how long it has been since I last saw her and held her in my arms and also sadness in knowing that another empty angel birthday is coming again. I fell apart at church yesterday seeing people hug and encourage my friend who started to cry because her grief is a seen and an acceptable grief--I have longed for that type of caring and support for the past 2 1/2 years, but my grief is a silent grief that no one wants to acknowledge and now is a forgotten grief. I also fell apart seeing someone hold another persons baby and be all excited and happy.
For the last 2 years I have wanted and hoped that someone would write Janessa's name or remember her in some way on this day--nothing at 6 months, nothing at 18 months and I had given up hope for today at 30 months until I openned up an email from Katherine, angel baby Gabriel's Mommy who does Gabriels Garden and she had lit a candle for both Janessa and Hope and wrote their names earlier in the week and sent me the pictures today. These pictures brought me such joy yesterday. It means so much to me to have their little lives recognized and validated. It is a little thing, but it means the world to me. It helped this what I wish was an ordinary day become an extraordinary day!
Hugs,
:`( Shauna :`)
:)Janessa & Hope's Mommy:)
Im so sorry mama!! I to wish it could be a normal day. Im sorry its so hard. Sending big hugs your way!! Xoxo hope and janessa
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