It is hard to say that there will never be a rainbow baby in our home.
It is hard to realize that all of those things I bought for Janessa will never be used by one of my babies.
It is hard to see that bassinette still in the box in the closet never to hold one of my babies.
It is hard to know that I will never feel that rainbow healing peace that only a rainbow baby can bring.
It is hard knowing that I will never get that "feeling normal" and people looking at me as a "normal" person with an alive baby and not that weird lady who has dead babies because I will never have another alive baby.
It is hard seeing others get their rainbow babies--I am so very happy for them, but, I wish I was still in their club, but, I will never have access to their club membership. I hate that I have been kicked out twice now.
It is hard seeing others be pregnant and bring home their alive babies the way you are suppose to and not feel sad and question why me? Why was I in that lousy 1% that had a still born baby and in that lousy 10%-20% of women who loose their babies to miscarriage between 10-12 weeks? Why has this kept happening to me over and over and OVER again? Why 3 Angel Babies?
It is hard all the feelings of failure and rejection that you have when you can never have a rainbow baby.
I will always wish that I could have ended my pregnancy/baby stage of my life with an alive rainbow baby--it is hard ending on yet another dead baby.
It is hard, but, in my heart I know that this was meant to be. As I see the happiness that the pinwheel pictures bring others, and as I see the joy and peace others feel when they see that their angel baby has been remembered in one of my Angel Remembrance Activities or on their Angel Birthday Post, I can't help but think that God's rainbow plan for my life was meant to be different--He needed my help in other ways than raising a rainbow baby. In my heart I know that had my rainbow babies lived this life of giving service through my PinWheel Blog would have come to a close for I would have been too busy with a baby to reach out. For some getting and raising a rainbow baby is their mission and for some like me learning to live without a rainbow baby and having that sympathy and empathy for others and the time to reach out and help others is my mission in life. I am truly like the person who is alone and walking along the beach and tossing one at a time the star fish back into the ocean. It may not be making the biggest difference to a lot of people, but, to each baby loss mommy I am able to help it makes a difference to them and that is how I will get my different kind of rainbow healing.
It is hard learning to live without a rainbow baby, but, I am surviving it one day at a time.
In Memory of my "Precious Angels" JANESSA, HOPE ABIGAIL, JASON NEPHI & RAE ANNE. A place where Angel Children are Loved, Missed, and Remembered. And a place where Mommies and Daddies of Angel Babies and Angel Children can feel safe and not so alone on this grief journey.
Pages
Janessa's PinWheels
Welcome To PinWheels From Heaven
WELCOME TO PINWHEELS FROM HEAVEN. If you would like to have your "Angel" baby's or "Angel" child's name added to my Angel Tree list and Birthday list to be remembered at my annual events please click on the Angel Tree List button found at the top of this page to take you to that page with all the details. These events are for Angel Children only--PLEASE NO fake baby loss mommys.
ANNUAL EVENTS FOR PINWHEELS FROM HEAVEN:
(1) Once your angel baby/child is on my Angel Birthday List
they will be remembered in their birthday month in a special Angel Birthday blog post and picture. They will also be remembered on their special angel b-day on my PinWheels From Heaven Face book page.
(2) Oct. 15th--Wave of Light: Each year on this date I will be creating a PinWheel Healing Field in my front yard using all the angel baby/child's pinwheels and light candles by the pinwheels in remembrance of all of our angels.
Pictures of events 1,2,3,4 will be posted here on this blog and on my face book page.
At PinWheels From Heaven Angel Babies and Angel Children are ALWAYS LOVED, MISSED AND REMEMBERED <3
NOTE: Pinwheel Wait List is currently CLOSED
Be sure to scroll to the end of this page to find links to other Baby Loss Mommies who write Angel Babies Names.ANNUAL EVENTS FOR PINWHEELS FROM HEAVEN:
(1) Once your angel baby/child is on my Angel Birthday List
they will be remembered in their birthday month in a special Angel Birthday blog post and picture. They will also be remembered on their special angel b-day on my PinWheels From Heaven Face book page.
(2) Oct. 15th--Wave of Light: Each year on this date I will be creating a PinWheel Healing Field in my front yard using all the angel baby/child's pinwheels and light candles by the pinwheels in remembrance of all of our angels.
(3) Christmas Angel Tree--For the month of December I will be hanging ornaments with all of your angel baby/children's names written on them on my outside angel tree. On Christmas Eve I will light candles around the Angel Tree in remembrance of all of our angels.
(4) Easter Angel Tree--For Easter I will be hanging plastic Easter eggs with all of the angel baby/children's names written on them on my outside angel tree. I will light candles around the tree on Easter in remembrance of all of our angels.Pictures of events 1,2,3,4 will be posted here on this blog and on my face book page.
At PinWheels From Heaven Angel Babies and Angel Children are ALWAYS LOVED, MISSED AND REMEMBERED <3
Janessa's 10th Angel Birthday
Hope's 7th Angel Ticker
Jason's 6th Angel B-day Ticker
Rae Anne 6th b-day Ticker
Our Anniversary
A Precious Gift--Never Forget Janessa & Hope Abigail
The mention of my daughter's name may bring tears to my eyes, but it never fails to bring music to my ears. If you really want to show me that you care, let me hear the beautiful music of her name. It soothes my broken heart and sings to my soul.
"If you know someone who has lost a child, and you're afraid to mention them because you think you might make them sad by reminding them that they died--you're not reminding them. They didn't forget they died.
What you're reminding them of is that you remembered that they lived, and that is a great gift."
-Elizabeth Edwards
"If you know someone who has lost a child, and you're afraid to mention them because you think you might make them sad by reminding them that they died--you're not reminding them. They didn't forget they died.
What you're reminding them of is that you remembered that they lived, and that is a great gift."
-Elizabeth Edwards
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Be Still and Know that I am God
Sometimes God
Calms the Storm . . .
Sometimes He let's the Storm rage
and Calms His Child.
Author Unknown
At times there appears to be no light at the tunnel's end-no dawn to break the night's darkness. . .We feel abandoned, heartbroken, alone. If you find yourself in such a situation, I plead with you to turn to our Heavenly Father in faith. He will lift you and guide you. He will not always take your afflictions from you, but He will comfort and lead you with love through whatever storm you face.
-President Thomas S. Monson
We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
-Joseph Campbell
Calms the Storm . . .
Sometimes He let's the Storm rage
and Calms His Child.
Author Unknown
At times there appears to be no light at the tunnel's end-no dawn to break the night's darkness. . .We feel abandoned, heartbroken, alone. If you find yourself in such a situation, I plead with you to turn to our Heavenly Father in faith. He will lift you and guide you. He will not always take your afflictions from you, but He will comfort and lead you with love through whatever storm you face.
-President Thomas S. Monson
We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
-Joseph Campbell
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