12 Days

12 days until Rae Anne's due date and I have no idea what to do to remember her on that date.  It makes me sad to think that I should be 9 months pregnant and counting down the days until her birth right now and maybe that is why I have no plans for her due date.  In fact I probably would have had her either this week or next week because I have had all of my babies between 36-39 weeks--I've never gone all the way out to my due dates.  Maybe that's why I'm having such a hard time staying motivated right now because my body and heart know that I should have a newborn in my arms





I had Jason's due date all planned out on April 25th and I knew exactly what I wanted to do, but, then when we got down to the days leading up to it I got so depressed that all I really wanted to do was just hide from it.  Rae Anne's due date is different.  I wasn't doing a count down to it, No one really knew it except for me because she left so soon, it has just always been a date in the back of my mind.  I did mark it on my planning calender after I took a pregnancy test and I was so excited that she was due around Thanksgiving and all those hard holidays.  Her due date was 17 days before Hope Abigails due date on Dec. 3rd.  Just like Hope, I imagined how wonderful it would be to hold my alive little baby in my arms to help through all the pain of the holidays.  And just like Hope's empty due date it is just another trigger date to remind me that again my arms will be empty on the 17th and through the holidays.