Love You Dad

I have such wonderful and terrible memories of this day and time.  During the morning and afternoon I remember the sweet peace I felt as I sat by your bedside and as I made the big giant heart right outside your window.  I felt the presence of loved ones from Heaven in your room with you.  I felt my own angel daughter Janessa there with you and there with me helping to comfort me as your time came nearer to leave us.  

In the evening the memories become terrible remembering your gargled breathing that was so upsetting.  But even then you were still listening and waiting for everyone to leave and for it just to be me you and Roland there.  You listened as we read to you from President Uctdorfs book.  You said your last goodbye and breathed your last breath as we read the final page in his book "the day will come when you turn the final pages of your own glorious story, there you will read and experience the fulfillment of those blessed and wonderful words:  And they lived happily ever after."  We looked up and you were gone.

Then is the terrible memories of trying to check for a heartbeat and breathing and having to tell Mom and Valerie.  Of having to have the hospice dr come in and the mortuary people carry you away.  Of having to say goodbye for the very last time and feeling so overwhelmingly sad and lost, empty, and so alone.  It has been a hard year and today has been a hard day remembering, I will be so glad for this day to end and be over with.