My birthday is coming up in May along with Hope's 2nd Angel Birthday. I'm trying to make plans but I keep getting frustrated. 2 years ago it was my 40th birthday. 2 years ago I planned my 40th birthday a year in advance. I had plans for every day for the week leading up to my birthday. I wasn't going to sit around and be depressed because I was turning 40 I was going to celebrate my middle age. When I found out I was pregnant 6 weeks before my 40th birthday I was ecstatic!! I decided to buy a little bear to leave on the table on my birthday to announce to all my children that we were having another baby--it just added into my fun plans and being pregnant with my rainbow baby was the best gift ever for my 40th birthday.
Losing Hope Abigail 7 days before my birthday and the day before Mothers Day was devastating to me! My rainbow baby was stolen from me, my best 40th birthday present ever was stolen from me, all my 40th birthday plans were stolen from me because I spent the week recovering from my miscarriage and beginning the grief journey all over again--all my plans gone! Part of me is so angry that I miscarried Hope that week--Why not a week later so I could have enjoyed Mothers Day and all my birthday plans? Now I HATE mothers day--it reminds me of what was stolen from me. I even dislike my birthday because of all the emotional turmoil I went through that year. Last year we went on vacation on my birthday--that was nice to just get away.
This year I thought maybe I could make up for that failed 40th birthday--the problem is I can't remember all the plans I made because I threw everything away and that part of my memory is blocked. I feel so much emotion--sadness, emptiness, and anger about my birthday. Part of me just wants to forget my birthday and not do anything the other part of me wants to heal and do something fun and have a normal birthday again. But how can I? I'm super sensitive to seeing pregnant women and women with babies right now and in Utah they are everywhere!! I look at them and wonder what's wrong with me? Why couldn't I have a normal pregnancy and get an alive baby at the end? Why did my body fail me and make me loose my last two babies? With both Janessa & Hope Abigail's deaths I don't feel like I will ever be able to have a "normal" birthday ever again.
In Memory of my "Precious Angels" JANESSA, HOPE ABIGAIL, JASON NEPHI & RAE ANNE. A place where Angel Children are Loved, Missed, and Remembered. And a place where Mommies and Daddies of Angel Babies and Angel Children can feel safe and not so alone on this grief journey.
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Janessa's PinWheels
Welcome To PinWheels From Heaven
WELCOME TO PINWHEELS FROM HEAVEN. If you would like to have your "Angel" baby's or "Angel" child's name added to my Angel Tree list and Birthday list to be remembered at my annual events please click on the Angel Tree List button found at the top of this page to take you to that page with all the details. These events are for Angel Children only--PLEASE NO fake baby loss mommys.
ANNUAL EVENTS FOR PINWHEELS FROM HEAVEN:
(1) Once your angel baby/child is on my Angel Birthday List
they will be remembered in their birthday month in a special Angel Birthday blog post and picture. They will also be remembered on their special angel b-day on my PinWheels From Heaven Face book page.
(2) Oct. 15th--Wave of Light: Each year on this date I will be creating a PinWheel Healing Field in my front yard using all the angel baby/child's pinwheels and light candles by the pinwheels in remembrance of all of our angels.
Pictures of events 1,2,3,4 will be posted here on this blog and on my face book page.
At PinWheels From Heaven Angel Babies and Angel Children are ALWAYS LOVED, MISSED AND REMEMBERED <3
NOTE: Pinwheel Wait List is currently CLOSED
Be sure to scroll to the end of this page to find links to other Baby Loss Mommies who write Angel Babies Names.ANNUAL EVENTS FOR PINWHEELS FROM HEAVEN:
(1) Once your angel baby/child is on my Angel Birthday List
they will be remembered in their birthday month in a special Angel Birthday blog post and picture. They will also be remembered on their special angel b-day on my PinWheels From Heaven Face book page.
(2) Oct. 15th--Wave of Light: Each year on this date I will be creating a PinWheel Healing Field in my front yard using all the angel baby/child's pinwheels and light candles by the pinwheels in remembrance of all of our angels.
(3) Christmas Angel Tree--For the month of December I will be hanging ornaments with all of your angel baby/children's names written on them on my outside angel tree. On Christmas Eve I will light candles around the Angel Tree in remembrance of all of our angels.
(4) Easter Angel Tree--For Easter I will be hanging plastic Easter eggs with all of the angel baby/children's names written on them on my outside angel tree. I will light candles around the tree on Easter in remembrance of all of our angels.Pictures of events 1,2,3,4 will be posted here on this blog and on my face book page.
At PinWheels From Heaven Angel Babies and Angel Children are ALWAYS LOVED, MISSED AND REMEMBERED <3
Janessa's 10th Angel Birthday
Hope's 7th Angel Ticker
Jason's 6th Angel B-day Ticker
Rae Anne 6th b-day Ticker
Our Anniversary
A Precious Gift--Never Forget Janessa & Hope Abigail
The mention of my daughter's name may bring tears to my eyes, but it never fails to bring music to my ears. If you really want to show me that you care, let me hear the beautiful music of her name. It soothes my broken heart and sings to my soul.
"If you know someone who has lost a child, and you're afraid to mention them because you think you might make them sad by reminding them that they died--you're not reminding them. They didn't forget they died.
What you're reminding them of is that you remembered that they lived, and that is a great gift."
-Elizabeth Edwards
"If you know someone who has lost a child, and you're afraid to mention them because you think you might make them sad by reminding them that they died--you're not reminding them. They didn't forget they died.
What you're reminding them of is that you remembered that they lived, and that is a great gift."
-Elizabeth Edwards
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Be Still and Know that I am God
Sometimes God
Calms the Storm . . .
Sometimes He let's the Storm rage
and Calms His Child.
Author Unknown
At times there appears to be no light at the tunnel's end-no dawn to break the night's darkness. . .We feel abandoned, heartbroken, alone. If you find yourself in such a situation, I plead with you to turn to our Heavenly Father in faith. He will lift you and guide you. He will not always take your afflictions from you, but He will comfort and lead you with love through whatever storm you face.
-President Thomas S. Monson
We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
-Joseph Campbell
Calms the Storm . . .
Sometimes He let's the Storm rage
and Calms His Child.
Author Unknown
At times there appears to be no light at the tunnel's end-no dawn to break the night's darkness. . .We feel abandoned, heartbroken, alone. If you find yourself in such a situation, I plead with you to turn to our Heavenly Father in faith. He will lift you and guide you. He will not always take your afflictions from you, but He will comfort and lead you with love through whatever storm you face.
-President Thomas S. Monson
We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
-Joseph Campbell
We lost James Collins on May 2, buried him on May 3 and celebrated James birthday on May 4. That is a lot in three days! Poor James. I know his birthday was forever shadowed and it began with his 26th birthday. I feel for you, my dear friend. In time, you will have a normal birthday, but it will just have to evolve when your timing is right. Just think, if you weren't born, you would have your other children and the promise of Janessa and Hope again one day. I will admit that it must be really hard right now. It took me years to want to celebrate anything! Hugs sweet Sahuna.
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