Just got back from the cemetery after decorating Janessa's grave for Thanksgiving. I really don't like being there around the holidays it makes me so sad. I really don't like going on Sundays either because I watch all the alive 5 year olds at church and wonder what would Janessa be like and then my thoughts turn to how those 5 year olds get to celebrate thanksgiving with their families this year and what do I get--another trip to that stinking cemetery!!! Sometimes life really sucks!
I'm always curious about what we will find at Janessa's grave each time we go--maybe still the decorations from when I decorated last time??? (Rarely happens--they clean up even in the winter) Maybe decorations that someone else put on her grave??? (that would be the best gift ever--but again rarely happens) This time it was one of the rocks I had put in the plastic halloween pumpkins from last time to stabilize it. Interesting enough it was a rock I had written on a long time ago that said Endure--yep that's what going to the cemetery feels like to me sometimes. Cleaning off her grave of all the dead leaves we discovered 3 more rocks each with a saying on it Love, Remember, and Courage. 4 rocks--maybe 4 messages from each of my angel babies?
Have Courage Mommy through the Holidays <3 Jason Nephi
Thanks for Always Remembering Me, Mommy <3 Hope Abigail
Sometimes all you can do is Endure each day, Mommy, you're doing great <3 Janessa
I Love you Mommy! <3 Rae Anne
<3 <3 <3 <3
Her resting place looks so pretty - I know, though, your heart is broken. Sending love & hugs.
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