APRIL 2011--Before
June 2011--After
It is so significant to me that I placed this 50th pinwheel on the 1 month "hard" anniversary of losing Hope. I still struggle a lot with my grief, frustration, and emotions over losing her and today I am feeling sad because Janessa would have turned 15 months old. I am so grateful for the opportunity I get to remember other's angel babies through these pinwheels, because it brings me such healing and peace.
I feel as if I am standing at a crossroads right now one path leads to choosing bitterness, despair and pain in my grieving and trying to find ways to escape this grief journey and not accept God's plan for my life. The other path leads to peace, gratitude, acceptance of God's plan and courage to move forward along a different path than what I had planned and yes, still pain from the grief journey. I find myself traveling a little each way on the different paths for a moment and then returning back to the crossroads. I know which way I should choose, but, I guess I'm not completely ready for acceptance yet. I hope someday my courage will return and I can confidently choose the path to be better and not bitter, until then I have all of these angel pinwheels to encouragingly whisper softly to me as the wind blows, "choose joy and hope".
Hugs,
:`) Shauna :`{
:) Janessa & Hope's Mommy :)
Thank you so much for all the thoughts you send me. You have helped me so much and I hope that I can find away to help you. I <3 u!
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