Numbers

Okay, I'm feeling really down today so I guess I need to ramble for a minute.  I'm finding that numbers sometimes either remind me of happy things or bring me to tears.  Take today for instance, June 1, as I was searching for a reason why I feel down and looked at the calendar, I realized that May 1 was the last really good, happy, day I had been pregnant because the next day was when I started spotting and went into the doctor where I was told that I might be miscarrying and that began a week of horror for me.  So the 2nd is not a good number for me now--it represents sadness and 2 angel babies I can't hold. 

My age last year 39 actually represents a good thing to me because it was a reminder of Janessa's birthday 3/9.  Also, my age this year 40 reminds me of Hope because pregnancies usually last 40 weeks.

The number 9 use to be a sad number because I relived Janessa's death every month on the 9th.  Now I like the 9th because it reminds me of my Angel Baby, who I carried for 9 precious months or 36 weeks 3+6=9 and that she made 9 people in our family.

I like the number 10 too, because it reminds me of the 10 precious weeks I got with Hope and also that she made 10 people in our family.

I'm not sure about the number 7.  Right now it reminds me of sadness and grief and of the 7 months I won't get to carry Hope, but it also reminds me that she was my 7th daughter.

I just really hope I can make it through the next 7 days and that it won't be as horrible as last month.  Today is a good day to climb back in bed and pull the covers over my head and sleep and cry until it is the 9th or 10th again.

Hugs,

:`)  Shauna  :`{

:)  Janessa & Hope's Mommy  :)