Happy/Sad PinWheels

We are finally back from our vacation and I am happy/sad.  I'm glad we got to go on this vacation and it was fun to get away from the all the stress of "real life", but, I was definitely ready to come home.  It was sad to pull up in the driveway and see Janessa & Hopes pinwheel garden empty.  I pulled them all inside before we left just in case we got a strong wind while we were gone.  It made me happy again to put them all outside again.

I'm not sure about my plan of putting a little pinwheel out every week for how many weeks I would be pregnant with Hope.  It is almost really overwhelming going out and placing another little pinwheel--17 now.  I almost hate seeing all those little pinwheels.  It makes me really sad to realize that they represent weeks that I will never get with my baby. 

I was upset on vacation for a little bit because I realized that I would have been 4 months pregnant, almost half way through.  There were prolife signs along one of the roads we traveled in Wyoming showing a Mom with a newborn and a baby inside his mommy.  These made me really sad too.  I got caught up watching a show at one of the places we stayed at I think called I didn't know I was pregnant.  I shouldn't have watched it but I couldn't help it watching their reinactments of these newborns being born.  I guess I just wanted to see what an alive newborn was like again since my last 2 pregnancies have ended in tragedy.  It just made me miss my babies even more.

I was happy seeing Wyomings huge PinWheels!!!  Okay, I know the are just windmills, but, it brought me a lot of joy seeing them, because they reminded me of Janessa & Hopes PinWheel garden.

I'm going to write about my vacation in different posts, otherwise I would have a really l   o   n   g  post.

Hugs,

:`)  Shauna :`{

:) Janessa & Hope's Mommy :)