A Message to Shauna of the Past and All Mommy of Angels

August and September were really hard for me to get through last year--just like they are this year.  I think it has something to do with Janessa's half birthday coming up and this year that I would have been 6 months pregnant with Hope. 

I got out my journal and read what I had written for the months of Aug. and Sept. last year.   It makes me cry when I read my words.  Shauna of last year was struggling so much and hurting so much because I felt so very alone in my grief.  I had not found my Share Class yet, I didn't know what blogs were, hardly anyone remembered that I was still grieving or they acted like Janessa never existed and I didn't know anyone else who had a stillborn baby except for ancestors that had that term "stillborn" written in their records.  I thought I was the only person suffering this type of grief.

This year I still grieve over a stillborn baby, Janessa, and now a miscarried baby, Hope Abigail, each a different type of grief, but, I do not feel so very alone like I did last year.  I have discovered a world of Mommy of Angels and it brings me comfort and peace and hope to know that I do not walk this grief journey completely alone like I thought last year.  It makes my heart break each time I receive another pinwheel request especially those that have been loss this year, but, it makes me happy to know that they have found my blog and other mommy of angel blogs so that they don't have to feel alone.  I don't want any Mommy of an Angel to ever have to endure those 6 months of torture and unbearable grief and feeling so completely alone like I did. 

I wish I could go back in the past and send myself a message that "You Are Not Alone!"  "You Are Loved!"  "There are many, many, Mommies who walk this Grief Trail with you who Understand what you are feeling."  I guess since I can't send this to the past me I forward it on to All Mommy of Angels:

You Are Not Alone!

You Are Loved!

There are many, many, Mommies who walk this Grief Trail with you who Understand what you are feeling!

Your Angel Baby is a Precious Child of God--they will always be remembered by me and have a special place in my heart!

(Thank You Heather--You will never know how much this means to me!)
 Hugs,

:`)  Shauna  :`{

:)  Janessa & Hope's Mommy  :)