Rainstorms and Rainbows have had significant meaning to me since Janessa died. The day Janessa was born it was a terrible downpour, but this was the kind of storm I don't like, where it goes on and on and there is no sun. A couple hours before she was born the rain suddenly slowed down, a little sun peaked through and a beautiful double rainbow appeared in the sky right out our hospital window. We only had our cell phone camera, but, we took a quick picture. We were disappointed after we returned home and couldn't find the picture and thought it had been deleted. Last August as my husband was cleaning out text messages on his phone he found the picture!!! This picture means so much to me, especially now as I grieve the loss of a rainbow--my rainbow baby Hope Abigail.
The other day we got one of those sudden summer storms and I had this really insane desire to go stand out in it and just let it drench me--I resisted and just watched through the window instead. Sometimes my life is like those sudden out of the blue downpours. I'm going along feeling okay and then something triggers my grief and wham, I'm having a downpour of tears. I always seem to have more downpours during my "hard days" which is now the 1st of the month through the 9th. I love going outside right after it rains because everything just feels and smells so new and clean. I guess in a way my downpour of tears renews me--gives me a chance to stop all the busyness of my life and take a moment to just remember and reflect on my angel babies. We were lucky enough after our last storm to get a huge, beautiful rainbow and as I was enjoying it, it reminded me of the thoughts we had put on Janessa's funeral announcement:
"Life is like a rainbow. You need both the sun and the rain to make its colors appear."
"The only way to see a rainbow is to look through the rain."
Yes, I can enjoy the rainbows, but, unfortunately, only after the "rain."
Hugs,
:`) Shauna :`{
:) Janessa & Hope's Mommy :)
This is absolutely beautiful. I can 100% relate to what you're saying. Not precisely your example but still relevant - on Justice's first birthday it started out a cloudy and gray day. very gray. It began to rain, and for a few hours a nice heavy rain fell, with no thunder or lightning, just straight rain. At first I thought it would depress me. But I went for a walk to the park. And when I got on the swingset (yes drenched in the rain and feeling somewhat healed by the downpour, I started to swing) I looked forward, and there was suddenly a clear blue sky - and behind me the clouds stayed grayed and dribbled out a sprinkle of rain. Literally connecting the two sides of the sky, right down the center, was a rainbow. A double rainbow. :) :) It was like Justice was right there with me, swinging and telling me that I'll make it through the grey times and into the light. xxx How I do love rainbows now.
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