Silent Grief.com

The unpredictability of grief is scary, to say the least. We can be in the middle of a conversation, a movie, reading a book, sitting in church, walking through the grocery store -- you name it -- and a certain word, song, smell, or other reminder appears, and we have a total melt down. We try so hard to "control" the emotional waves from child loss, but how do you put a lid on love? It can't be done! And, so we find our tears running like a river at the most unexpected, most unusual times -- just another reminder that our child is always and forever on our heart and mind. Others don't get it, but we sure do understand! There is no stronger bond of love than that of a parent for his/her child!

 There are times when our grief overtakes us. We are okay for a while but then sitting among people just watching their "normalcy" seems to rip at our hearts. We long for simple things like heading a baby cry, watching our child play soccer , going to a school play, hearing about our grandchildren. When our child dies the "normal " in everything that was once our life is suddenly stripped away and it hurts worse than words could ever tell!

When does the pain of losing a child end? That's the one question parents of child loss desperately want answered. The answer in all truthfulness is never. The raw, tormenting pain grows more gentle over time but the gnawing emptiness is always present. How can it be any different when a huge part of our heart is no longer with us? And this is exactly why support and encouragement are so necessary for everyone who personally knows the pain of child loss!!!!

It seems to be an almost unwritten understanding that parents of child loss learn early on about wearing "the mask." We wear it to work so our boss doesn't think we're not coping and unable to do our job. We wear the mask around our family members so they can tolerate us. We wear the mask to church so we don't get labeled as "lacking faith". We wear our mask so others don't think we're crazy. If only people knew how much additional pain it is trying to cover up the heartbreaking pain of child loss!!!

 

What's the hardest part about losing a child? Finally coming to the acceptance that this is real and has happened. There is no turning back. We cannot ever change the fact that child loss occurred. For a long time we live in a fog unable to digest the reality of our loss and when the fog finally lifts, the searing pain hits all over again. Many people say while we're in the fog, "Wow! You're really handling this! You're such a strong person" when in reality our loss hasn't even fully been comprehended by us yet. Facing the reality of losing our child is devastating and breaks our heart into a million and one different pieces!

Sometimes people get angry or frustrated with grieving parents for not moving ahead in life faster. They will sometimes throw up their hands and walk away as if to say, "Enough is enough. You're going to have to get over this!" Still others will say what was told to me just the other day, "You need to go to church! Something's wrong with you!" Hmmm...I do go to church, and I do have faith in God, and I do trust that God knows what He's doing just as many of you do, BUT.....life still hurts. Trust, faith, moving on fast ---- these things have nothing to do with the pain we feel deep within our hearts. Every person grieves the loss of their child differently, and works through the pain at a different pace. And, something others need to remember is a parent never "gets over it." We work hard to find a way to live with it. And, living with child loss is the most difficult thing a person will ever have to do! Blessings to each one grieving the loss of a child! May you be granted an extra measure of peace as you travel this difficult journey of loss!

All of these thoughts are from Silent Grief.Com