Lost in Grief

I feel as if a tidal wave of grief has swept over me these last couple of days.  I can't seem to keep my head above water any more.   All the memories come rushing back now as the final 2 weeks before Janessa's angel birthday arrive.  I can't sleep at night because my mind won't turn off all those remembrances of her final days inside me and the day she was born.  It is hard to function during the day--I just feel like a robot going about the duties of the day.  I'm having a hard time controlling the tears--I seem to have a leaky faucet from my eyes that burst at random times all during the day.  I feel overwhelmed with sadness, anger, and guilt that I didn't keep Janessa safe her last 2 weeks of life inside me.  I feel like a failure as a Mommy especially because I lost Hope Abigail last year--now I have failed 2 babies.  This was suppose to be different this year.  It was suppose to be easier and more peaceful to go through Janessa's 2nd Angel birthday because I was suppose to be cradling my 3 month old rainbow baby, Hope.  Instead the hole in my heart is larger and the grief is almost too much to bear.  I find myself unable to even cope with the thought of having to endure another of Janessa's angel birthdays. I would like to request your help of prayers that I will be able to find my faith and trust in Heavenly Father again, that I will be able to find peace amidst the storms of grief that swirl around me and that I will not give in to the deep, dark, hole of depression that wants to suck me in.

Hugs,

:`( Shauna :`(

:)Janessa & Hope's Mommy:)