I've been thinking about pregnancy as a big long slide. I've gone down that slide 8 times now, 6 times I had an enjoyable ride and got the bonus at the end (a baby), 2 times I fell off the slide before I reached the end, with Janessa I almost reached the end and then fell off and with Hope I barely got started before I fell off. It just makes me really sad to think that my days of going down the slide may be over. I long to go down just 1 more time just to prove to myself that I can make it to the end, but, I can't seem to ever make it up the ladder now. At times I think I am too tired, too old or too frightened to go down that slide again and I just want to go back up the slide on my last two attempts and just finish the ride with Janessa and Hope. I know I will get to finish that ride some day in Heaven, but, not now and that makes me happy/sad. I'm trying to be content watching others go down that slide, to encourage those who can't seem to even make it to the top of the slide, to help those who fall off anywhere going down the slide, and cheer on those who complete a successful ride.
Maybe it's time for me to let go of the slide and try out the swings. The swings don't look as fun as the slide, but, maybe they have their own pleasure that I haven't discovered yet. I'm trying to walk towards the swings, but, my heart is still back on the slide.
Hugs,
:`) Shauna :`(
:)Janessa & Hope's Mommy:)
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