NOT Week 16

This is a very hard week to go through.  I hate that so much time has passed since my miscarriage!  I hate that I should be 4 months pregnant but, instead, I have endured 4 weeks of grief!  I hate that for most people when you say I had a miscarriage they just go "oh" and that is it and then everyone goes back to their regularly scheduled lives, while I sit here with my life on hold hardly able to function.  I wish I could go back to Oct. 10th and change the outcome and still be pregnant today taking my 16 week pregnancy picture in my rainbow socks.  I hate NOT week 16!!

I made another hat for Janessa to take out and put on her grave during the winter months.

 

I received my candle for Jason to put by his sisters candles.

 

I received his memorial stone that I placed in my remembrance garden next to Janessa and Hope's Memorial stones.

We put the Christmas lights on the Angel Tree and made a giant Christmas Light Heart over our remembrance garden.  After Janessa died I made a giant J out of lights in our front yard, then when I loss Hope the next year I made a giant J and H.  Problem is I never get to enjoy it in the front yard and people were thinking we were weird for putting up lights for our dead babies, so last year I did nothing.  This year I decided I wanted the lights in the backyard so they wouldn't bother anybody else and so I can enjoy them out my bedroom window and it looks so cute to have them right above their memorial stones and connected to the Angel Tree <3 <3 <3

 

Received more Name Pictures

 

 

 

 

 

 

Made Jason his first snowheart

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wearing my star socks and knit 4 more tiny hats for the 4 months I am NOT pregnant and the 4 weeks since I loss Jason <3 <3 <3 <3