Memorial Day

When I was younger this holiday was the only day in the whole year that I would think about people who had died and cemeteries.  My family would always get mums and take them to put on the graves.  After I was married I had to start a new tradition for my husband because he had never gone to the cemetery on memorial day.  I remember every year we would take our mums out to put on his grandparents grave (the great grandparents that Janessa is now buried next to) and we would always struggle trying to remember where their grave was.  We finally associated a tree and telephone poles with their grave so we could find it easier.  Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined back then that one of my children would be buried next to them and that I would never have a problem again finding their grave because I went to the cemetery so much that I could find their graves with my eyes closed.

We went out and decorated Janessa's grave tonight because it isn't so crazy and busy like it is over the weekend.  Memorial Day just makes me angry now.  Mad at all the people who are like what I used to be that they never thought about dead people or cemeteries the whole year except for on this holiday.  I guess I'm jealous--I think about Janessa and Hope every day, I visit that cemetery 1 or 2 times a month, I stand over her grave and weep wishing so badly that things were different!  Wish I could just be like people who just throw down their lousy mum flowers because they've done their duty for the year and then they instantly go back to their normal lives.  My normal life is gone forever.