"Not everyone gets a rainbow, just like in real
life weather, not all storms end with a rainbow....but it's important to
remember that after every storm, the sun Does shine. Grief, loss, it's never
the same, but the whirling, hailing, windy black storm of grief eventually
let's up and gives you a peek at the sun."
I'm not sure why this never occurred to me before that there isn't a rainbow after every storm but there is sunshine. Even on Hope's angel birthday there was a terrible storm with dark clouds and I hoped and hoped for a rainbow, but, one never came, but, the sun did shine again instead. This little comment has stirred inside of me so many feelings. I think I have believed for the last 3 years that you had to have a rainbow baby in order to find any bit of healing. That is why I have felt so incredibly lost the past 3 years that we have tried and tried to get pregnant with a rainbow baby only to have another miscarried baby loss and nothing else. I have felt like a failure and an outcast even in the blm world which seems to be full of rainbows. I suddenly feel a new freedom thinking in terms that you do NOT have to have a rainbow in order to feel the sunshine of healing. I think there is too much emphasis on rainbow healing and not enough emphasis on Sunshine Healing. In fact I think Sunshine Healing should be the focus--rainbows are just sometimes a part of sunshine healing. Sunshine Healing is available to everyone. Sunshine Healing is small moments of peace and joy you experience between cloudy days. For me it has been creating pinwheel pictures, enjoying sunrises and sunsets, enjoying vacations and small outings with my family, talking to/emailing friends who truly care, receiving name pictures of Janessa and Hopes names, having someone remember my angel babies, releasing balloons, all the many "hugs from heaven" I have received on hard days, etc. It's as if a huge weight has been lifted from my back that even without a rainbow I'm not a failure and I can still find peace, joy, and healing. I will always wish that things had been different and that I could have had a rainbow as a part of my sunshine healing and I will grieve for that loss, but, I will now be able to look for the sunshine behind the storms instead and enjoy those moments of healing that are all around me. For those of you like me who emotionally or physically can't have a rainbow and find yourself weeping each month from disappointment I say ((HUGS))--it is a bitter pill to add on to the grief.
As for me and my grief, instead of rainbows and rainbow healing, I will now be focusing on the Sunshine Healing instead.
The Sun is Always Shining Behind the Clouds!
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