I Am Thankful

It is really hard for me to even think about my miscarriage.  I'm still in shock and can't believe it happened.  I relieve bits and pieces of it at different moments and different times all throughout the day.  Some of the things that are helping me through each day are definitely kind words from concerned friends, prayer that I can accept Heavenly Father's Plan for my life and that I can make it through each day, and being able to think about the things I am thankful for.

I am thankful that at the age of 42 I was able to get pregnant again and finally get a positive on a pregnancy test.

I am thankful that I took 3 of those pregnancy tests.

I am thankful that I realized how precious each moment is while I was pregnant and that I took weekly pregnancy pictures, wrote in a weekly journal to Jason, cuddled him in my belly, talked to him, and sang to him.

I am thankful for all the weird food cravings that I had that were different than any I had with any of my other pregnancies. 

I am thankful I was courageous and brave and that I scheduled an appointment with my doctor and got in to see him at 8 weeks. 

I am thankful I got a pregnancy bag filled with all the samples of junk and that I was filled with hope being able to walk out of that office with it.

I am thankful my doctor did an ultrasound at 8 weeks and that we found Jason and his heartbeat and my doctor zoomed in close so that I could see that beautiful heartbeat and for the peace and joy I felt.

I am thankful my doctor printed out a picture of that ultrasound so I have at least 1 picture of Jason.

I am thankful that for 3 weeks I was part of my doctors 5 over forty pregnancy group of women.

I am thankful that we told our kids so that they could be excited and get to know Jason for a little bit. 

I am thankful that we gave him the nickname of "MaHyrum"  and for all the jokes and happiness we shared as a family in what we called "womb service".

I am thankful for my Trauma Counselor helping through all the fears I had while I was pregnant and that she has been with me from the start of his pregnancy to the end.

I am thankful for experience and knowledge so that I knew what to do when the miscarriage happened and that I made it a better experience than my last miscarriage.

I am so thankful that I knitted those little blue hats the week before so that I could have something to wrap Jason's jar in as a last way for me to hug and hold him.

I am thankful we got to take some last minute pictures before I miscarried of my pregnant belly and as a family.

I am thankful that as a family we chose Jason's name and that we were a lot more open about our feelings this time and a lot more supportive of each other.

I am thankful I had already bought an extra big blue star pinwheel last February because I wouldn't have found anything at the stores now.

I am thankful that a lot of my neighbors all lit 3 little candles in their front windows as a show of remembrance of love for my 3 little angel babies.

I am so very thankful that Jason and I shared:

12 Weeks

3 Months

84 Days

2,016 Hours

120, 969 minutes

 

<3 TOGETHER <3 

 

I AM GRATEFUL FOR EVERY MINUTE!