Thank you to everyone who lit candles in remembrance of my angels and for sharing those pictures with me--it has meant a lot to me
I way overdid it yesterday by trying to do everything myself and not asking for help and I am paying for that today both physically and emotionally. I am trying too hard to portray the image of the "tough strong girl" who can handle everything when in reality I am weak and I hurt both physically and emotionally. Physically I am still trying to recover from my miscarriage and I haven't allowed myself to do that because I am angry and so I haven't allowed myself to rest or take it easy. Emotionally I hurt so bad that some days I don't know how to handle it all--no matter how hard I try not to, I cry myself to sleep every night.
I way overdid it yesterday by trying to do everything myself and not asking for help and I am paying for that today both physically and emotionally. I am trying too hard to portray the image of the "tough strong girl" who can handle everything when in reality I am weak and I hurt both physically and emotionally. Physically I am still trying to recover from my miscarriage and I haven't allowed myself to do that because I am angry and so I haven't allowed myself to rest or take it easy. Emotionally I hurt so bad that some days I don't know how to handle it all--no matter how hard I try not to, I cry myself to sleep every night.
Today I am overwhelmed because it is Wednesday and it has
been 1 week since this whole mess began.
I want to rewind time and change it so badly. I want to still be pregnant and be looking
forward to turning 13 weeks this Friday and wearing my celebration rainbow
socks and going in for my 2nd obgyn appointment to hear my babies heartbeat and
discuss what testing I need to have done, not dreading tomorrow and all the
emotional turmoil of emotionally reliving my miscarriage and the realization
that it will be 1 week since my baby went to Heaven.
I don't know how to get through tomorrow. I don't know how I
survived the first little while after I loss Janessa and Hope. I just know I did and I will again somehow.But, for today I am finally going to take care of myself. I am going to put myself on bed rest and ask for help and not feel guilty. I am going to take a long shower and not feel guilty. I am going to cry and hug my stuff bears and miss my angel babies and not feel guilty. I am going to take my pain meds. and my stress meds. and not feel guilty and that I am weak because I am right now. I am going to spend the day watching tv and dvds and allow my brain and heart some time away from the grief and not feel guilty. Today I am just going to endure and survive and that will be good enough.
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